there is a term in punjabi teeli mecha. it means taking the width of a match stick to compare how what you did for me matches up to what I did for you. Are we even? I gave a gift of 50 dollars and you gave me 49 uh oh no good types. That's an analogy, it does not have to be just monetary, we compare love, do you love me as much as I love you? Why not? You have to love me back the same. The question is why? Why do I have to do it the same. I love you my way, you love me your way.
I did not do this at all when I was younger, then in the middle I started doing it. i don't know why. But now, as I am growing older, I do not do teeli mecha, most of the times, once in a while I get angry, I called her three times, she did not call me back, I will not call her again, but most of the times I have grown up.
If I want to call someone, I will call them, if I want to go meet some one, I will call them and ask if I can come over, I don't wait to be invited. Mera man kar raha to main baat karungi, tumhara man jab kare to tum kar lena, nahin jabardasti nahi hai, man nahi kare to saaf bol do ki nahin ji aapse baat nahi karni, I am fine with that. I am fine with anything upfront and straight forward. Ghuma fira ke bolo to mere ko samjh hi nahi aata, apna time waste karoge.
I find this very liberating. This is my mom's theory, she kept telling this to me all my life, there is a difference between knowing something and then really actually understanding it. I am free now. In all my relationships, family, friends, acquaintances, I do no record keeping. jo tera man kare vo tu kar, jo mera man kare vo main karoon.
Okay fir se, disclaimer, this is my ideal every now and then I slip, every now and then I get mad ki hudd hai mere phone ke jawab me phone nahi kiya. But those are my moments of weakness, that is not my ground state, I am getting excited and getting ahead of myself. But as long as I keep trying to come back to the normal, then I know where I am going in life. When I slip, atleast I know I need to get back on course and also, I am not mad at others then, I am only mad at myself, for letting something like that get to me. And i think it is infinitely better to mad at yourself than someone else.
2 comments:
Yes, I agree, it sounds strange, but I like getting mad at myself rather than at other people. It makes sense, because it puts me in the driver's seat - if it's me that has done something wrong, then I'm the one that can fix it. It's the opposite of feeling helpless, it's empowering - because there is a remedy, there is a way out, there is a way to not let it happen again. It may be hard to change one's behaviour, but apply some willpower and it's totally possible. Now, feeling mad at someone else and hoping they will change - well we all know where that path leads to ...
yeah! i think we do think alike. :) I guess we are egotistical maniacs who would rather take the blame just to be in control. LOL. What do you think?
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