when you are sick

When you are sick what you want more than anything else is health.When you get better, you forget how bad it was.

Not forget entirely but you put it out of your mind so to speak.

For the first two days you are very grateful for the return of your abilities, to be able to taste food, drink cold water, sit up without hurting, sleep without waking up fifty times and so on.... but slowly it wears off, and you start taking it all for granted again. Come to think of it that is how it should be too, if you keep thinking about your sickness what good is it to be well again?

I am sick right now. Have been for many days, and I am hating it.

My brain is addled up mush, I cannot think straight, I don't sleep - I drift in and out of consciousness, I have crazy dreams where people give me lectures on how to fertilize a rose bush and I wake up begging them to stop filling my head with data I really do not need, really I just buy the ready made rose fertilizer and hope the manufacturer knows what ratio the Nitrogen and Phosphorous need to be in, I do not need to worry about it, but in my dreams I do.

I keep telling myself that if I can get two good paragraphs of description out of this then that will be something. I can use that in a story where I can make someone fall sick.

What? Waste not want not...

And that is the worst of it, I cannot. I have not been able to put in words how horrible I am feeling right now, how desperate to feel like myself again, how frustrated at not being able to do anything about it.

I am actually missing not being able to do stuff like cooking and cleaning.  That tells you how bad it is.

These days I actually eat things based on the ease of throwing them up, like its easier to throw up roti than chawal, they stick in places, shoot am I grossing you out! sorry I am just all messed up. Its all twisted in my head.