Ground-state.

I have not ranted in ages!! argh!!!
I want to scream.
May I?
How does one scream on a blog?
Write caps?
That is so bloody impotent. argh!
And argh is not?
tch, I give up.

Anyways.

I have a theory.

:0

Okay, I have many.

One of them is about excited states and ground states. I think everybody has an excited state and everybody has a ground state.

When I was younger, my ground state was that of chaos. Confusion, dilemmas, to-be-or-not-to-be jibber- jabber, that was my thing. That was what I did, that was what I was good at, if there may be such a thing as being good at being in disarray. You know that saying - one must still have chaos inside oneself to give birth to a shining star - hey! I lived for stuff like that.

The zen state of being was my excited state. The one where I was at peace, in control, where nothing absolutely nothing fazed me. And then, out of nowhere at all, I would radiate some energy and fall back into my ground state of hyperactivity. Boom. Done.

hmmm....

Don't tell me. You actually think it is better to have 'peace' for your ground state. Oh you poor darling. Here, let me prove to you why it is better to have a chaos ground state.

In theory, you would spend more time in your ground state as compared to your excited state. Agreed? The more time you spend with something, the more you get to know it, right? You learn to deal with it. So, in principle, if you live long enough you would get used to even an 'out-to-lunch' ground state - eventually. Then, randomness would come naturally to you. And every now and then, when something would push you over the edge and you suddenly find yourselves at peace - that would be a bonus. Because shanti is intuitive, everybody is okay with shanti, who doesn't want shanti, unless of course you try to name your daughter shanti and then all sorts of people start giving you dirty looks, so, don't try that, tch, anyways, point is, you would know what do when you were at peace, that part is easy.

But, and this is a big but, no pun intended, when you fell back to your ground state of pandemonium, hey! guess what? you still know what to do. Coz fool, that's your own state isn't it?

Moral of the story, win win. You are cool, in both states.

Now contrast that to a peace ground state, okay you are fine when you are there, no brownie points for that, but what happens when you get to the excited state? You are out of your wits, you don't know what you are supposed to be doing, seriously? you would willingly choose that?

Still not convinced? Look at me...for the past some time, almost years, I have learned to stay longer and longer in my so called excited state, I have actually been at peace more days than not. Theek hai, ho sakta hai, ki my peace is not the same as your peace and my peace actually looks like anarchy to you, all the same its my bloody peace and I am happy with it, so don't you go around bursting my bubble. In any case, today is not one of those, even-by-my-standards- peaceful day. Today is the day when disorder rules the roost. And I am thinking I should be okay with it, because that is my ground state, remember. I should know how to deal with this. Unfortunately, I don't. I have been away too long. And this is killing me. Today, when I am at one of my local entropy maximas, it is not even a global one, 'coz globally this function has seen highs and lows like you cannot imagine, and yet, yet I have absolutely no skills to deal with this minor hiccup.

Hence the need to scream. Above. And hence even more crest fallen at my inability to scream. On a blog! Can't scream for real. Folks at home are sleeping.

So I am wondering just what the heck happened here?

Has that whole 'shanti' bit become my new ground state?
Why?
That is so completely counterproductive.