do i sabotage myself?

6 January 2011

There is snow falling out of the window I am sitting in this kids play area slightly depressed. I am not entirely sure why I am depressed, or perhaps I am but want to ignore the reason, thinking that if I look at the reason it might be hard to ignore this feeling down business, which is weird because haven’t we been told enough number of times that staring a problem in the face makes it go away. Or is it possible that we do not stare in the face for precisely that reason we do not wish for it to go away the problem is familiar, we know how to act around it and … well that sounds asinine, why would anyone willingly choose to stay with an unpleasant situation. Who says it is willingly done, subconsciously; we make bad judgment calls and then cry about them. Like last night I thought about putting away my daughter's birthday gift and then I started doing something else and left it there, what did I expect? of course she found it and then I was sad that my surprise had been ruined. Well I sabotaged myself.