अगर सुख पाना आपके नसीब में नही तो क्या सुख देना भी आपके भाग में नही? Asks vaijanthimala of Rajender Kumar in Saathi. I loved that thought, it is beautiful, isn't it? I am so completely inspired with it, In fact the whole movie is quite inspiring. There is of course the issue of why women in Hindi movies can be good only as long as they are giving up for others. the minute a woman wants something for herself (simi garewal in the movie ) she falls from her 'heroine' status, and the only way for her to regain the lost goodwill is by making some extreme sacrifice. It's okay for men to want things but not okay for women, Hindi film heroines never want anything. It is a different matter that the only reason they don't want things is because at least in the film everything is given to them on a platter, Everything is theirs - without asking, no wonder they can play the martyr and pretend to not even want these things, you can only want things that you dont have!! But I digress, back to the thought....
It is very nice , it gets us to focus on the things that we control and helps us let go of stuff that is beyond us. Now where did I read, that love is a verb, not a noun, and hence statements like ' I dont love him anymore' are self defeating. Why don't you? Why don't you love him anymore? Love is not a spectator sport, you need to put yourself out there, do things for him that make him happy, be of service to him, make his life easier, love him, in action, in deeds, a real living love, instead of waiting for some Hindi film style 'electric shock' moments. In my experience the said 'electric shock' moments are random events and it would be highly imprudent for you to chart the course of your life based on or for random events.
Yes, there is the whole argument about how all order might just be a random co-incidence and stuff, but right now I am not getting into that, this above is just pragmatic good sense and hence worth following, until a more sound theory can be formed.
2 comments:
Well..to tell the truth, I didn't quite get what you are trying to convey with love is a verb, not a noun. But loved the opening line of your post. Very wise words.
hey Ramakant, let me see if i can explain myself better.
There is this idea that Love is a verb not a noun, in the sense that it is an action word, not a word denoting something that exists of its own accord. For example an orange just exists is a noun, but walking is an action that is the result of someone doing something. Similarly Love just doesn't exist like an orange, so you either love someone or you don't, but is the result of an action, where you choose to love someone or not.
If i am not wrong this was an idea proposed by Covey in his 7 habits book, it is also quite opposite to the usual 'poetic' idea of love that ghalib talks about as in its being the 'atish' jo lagaye na lage aur bujhaye na bujhe'. they are both beautiful ideas, and depending on the day or mood i am in, I kind of gravitate towards one or the other. While Ghalib makes me the observer, helpless in the face of being in love with someone or NOT being in love with them and totally unable to choose the state i am to be in, Covey makes me the doer and puts me in charge of who i am to love and who i am to stop loving :))
Am i able to do it? well, i am certainly able to act in ways that can get me closer to loving someone, but can that help me stop loving someone? i don;'t know if Covey can solve that problem, but gandhiji does provide a solution and i happen to agree with him on that, its definitely one way around the problem, but more on that later i guess.
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