thirty something

so i am on page 40 something of the stone diaries, and we have the most promising character show up. a 33 year old single male professor of botany. i can see the potential for a story there. i can see the female students sitting in that class and drooling already. which is fine with me, well, it is nauseating actually, but fine, i am okay. okay i am not. you see it is troubling because i cannot get it out of my head what the story would be like if it was a 33 year old single female professor of botany. forget 1916 ( where the story is right now) but even 2008. i know, i know, a lot of the male students will suddenly decide that botany is actually a very interesting subject and show up to class on time, but.

see i cannot shake the feeling that life somehow is much better for a thirty something single man, than it is for a thirty something single woman, and it doesn't help your being brown.

and i don't like that. i don't suppose there is a lot i can do about it, but i am not happy about this. not that i expect that to matter much either. still...

oh and lets not even bring up what life is like for thirty something married brown women. we, are not supposed to want to have a life. we are to live through proxy. we are to take pride in our husband's career ascents, joy in our children's growing vocabulary, and find solace in endless loads of dirty laundry.

which reminds me... i should go and do my laundry. later.