I am going to be honest with you.....

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when someone says that?

So were you being dishonest with me so far?

yeah! me too. I really wonder why people say that. It puts me off like nobody's business, especially when I am interviewing someone and in the middle of the interview they say 'oh I am going to be honest with you.....' ohh my god! Usually I stop asking questions after that disclosure or if i do, it is just to be polite. I once actually replied to this woman with a 'thank you so much for deciding to finally be honest with me, I appreciate that.' Well, she didn't get the sarcasm, she just smiled.

No, i have never hired someone who has used that sentence, or kept them for long. Maybe that is my bias against this particular combination of words, but so it is.

And yes, I know there are exceptions to the rule. I am sure I have probably said them myself too at some point, but i am sure that in those circumstances it was perfectly justified ;)

The thing that no one tells you

about growing older is that you don't actually feel older.

Inside, you are still the same. You feel old enough at twenty, and that is where you probably stay the rest of your life. Yes, here and there you feel jaded and tired and think that is what it means to be older, but not really. Your perception of how old you are, remains constant. It is the outer signs that change, people's expectations from your behaviour perhaps, that makes you think you must act a certain way to fit your particular age.

Sometimes, i still get surprised that i am 33 and have my own home and kids and i manage them all fine, all by myself. Because sometimes i cannot distinguish my 33 old self from the 20 year old me, who was a girl in her parents house and whose only concern in the world was to make sure that her mom does not catch her chatting on the phone when she was supposed to be studying.

Now, when my mom is visiting I am still scared of her catching me on the phone when i was supposed to be doing something else, or reading a book when she thinks I should be talking to her and not ignoring her. I should have better manners she says, she is a guest here. Guest! what guest? You are not a guest, you are my mom!

Maybelline eye studio Lasting drama gel eyliner - Product review

i have never done product reviews before, but i want to try this :)

I bought the maybelline gel eyeliner in blackest black a few months back and I am loving this product. I have not had a good relationship with maybelline, their color makeup does not somehow suit my skin, and once one of their lipsticks smelled so bad, it put me off the brand for years.

But this product is something else. It came in a small glass pot, with a convenient brush. it is soft, goes on smooth almost like an eyeshadow, you can play with it, smudge it, get it into little places and then after a few minutes it dries and stays put for the whole day. I like how you can get it to be very dark and intense or smudged, whatever you choose, an option not available with the wet eyeliners.

The only thing you have to remember to do is to wash the brush after you are done, or the gel will harden on the brush and you will not have such smooth sailing the next time. But then, we are supposed to wash our brushes in any case - not that we do it :)

Thumbs up : 5 stars

chin up

I am going through a phase in life where I am supposed to keep my chin up and my nose to the grindstone.

Well, here is the trouble with it, incase you have never tried doing them together. You have to carry the grindstone at a very awkward angle. Sorta puts your back out :)

PRFCTFT

PERFECT FIT। Hey, that is cool for a number plate! isn't it ?

What would you rather have...

know that you are right and have everyone (almost everyone) think you are wrong
or
know that you are wrong, and have every one think you are right?

Yes I know you would want to be right, know you are right, AND have everyone think you are right too. Why not? But life just does not comply with your wishes that often now does it? So... back to the two options....How do you choose the right answer? Is the right answer the easier one or the harder one? Do you follow the path of least resistance or do you go against the grain of who you are to reinvent yourself?

Admittedly the biggest advantage of having everyone think you are right is a huge ego boost. People praise you, say you are so good or smart or something and treat you better that they would have otherwise and that should make life easier. Or would it? Would it not then give you the guilt of knowing you are not as good or as correct as they think you are? It ruined Lady Macbeth.

Of course, in my experience that is not a downer for some people who have absolutely no concept of self-analysis, and since they never look at themselves or their actions in an honest critical light, it does not affect them, so for such people perhaps it is better to be thought good of than being good on the inside.

I know that that would never work for me, I would have to set the record straight so then for me the easier choice is to actually do the right thing and if other people do not get it or choose to think ill of me then, teach myself to deal with it.

But the trouble is that even that is easier said than done. I realize that it is all fine and dandy to say my family doesn't get me, but what would you do if the law was after you and if you and the powers that be did not see eye to eye? What if you could not prove your innocence, and were sentenced because you said, hey I know I am right, the hell with what the judge thinks. Well, doesn't work does it. We know that history is full of incidences when innocent people were condemned and sentenced because the law did not accept their defense, or people who when faced with a hostile biased jury, just gave up, and did not even bother putting up a defense - why give create an illusion of legitimacy when it was all a sham. I get that. And yet, I know that it hurts like hell, to hear people say bad things about you.

Only I don't know what you can do different? I don't know whether it is so much of a choice after all. People will think what they want to, there is not much that you can do to make them think different. If they like someone they will go ahead and like every thing that person does and if they don't then they will find a fault with everything that person does. For example if someone is hosting a dinner party and specifically tells you to not bring anything, and lets say you still cook something and bring it. What happens, if they like you they will be all grateful and think ' oh how sweet, she still brought me something.' and if they don't like you, they will think ' oh what a show off, i told her to not bring anything, but she just has to do whatever she wants.' You see there is no way to win these things.

All my life I thought the answer was obvious to me, I thought I would much rather know that I am right and then the hell with what anyone else thinks. And I know I have lived that way for the most of my life. Only lately the choice came on a very huge scale, where a lot and I mean a lot of people think I am wrong and I am forced to live with that.

And it is just not easy, in fact, it is so hard that there are days when i genuinely think life would have been so much easier if everyone thought i was right and then the hell with being actually right or wrong. हाँ, हाँ, मैं फिर एक नए पतन कि कगार पर हूँ...

Anyways, it has gotten me to think about the old dilemma gain, and i have been trying to list out why the choice was obvious to me in the first place.

bundele harbolon ke munh hamne suni kahani thi

I love this poem. If I remember right, it was in my grade 8 textbook,and back then, i used to know it verbatim :)


सिंहासन हिल उठे राजवंशों ने भृकुटी तानी थी,

बूढ़े भारत में भी आई फिर से नयी जवानी थी,

गुमी हुई आज़ादी की कीमत सबने पहचानी थी,

दूर फिरंगी को करने की सबने मन में ठानी थी।

चमक उठी सन सत्तावन में, वह तलवार पुरानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

कानपूर के नाना की, मुँहबोली बहन छबीली थी,

लक्ष्मीबाई नाम, पिता की वह संतान अकेली थी,

नाना के सँग पढ़ती थी वह, नाना के सँग खेली थी,

बरछी, ढाल, कृपाण, कटारी उसकी यही सहेली थी।

वीर शिवाजी की गाथायें उसको याद ज़बानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

लक्ष्मी थी या दुर्गा थी वह स्वयं वीरता की अवतार,

देख मराठे पुलकित होते उसकी तलवारों के वार,

नकली युद्ध-व्यूह की रचना और खेलना खूब शिकार,

सैन्य घेरना, दुर्ग तोड़ना ये थे उसके प्रिय खिलवाड़|

महाराष्ट्र-कुल-देवी उसकी भी आराध्य भवानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

हुई वीरता की वैभव के साथ सगाई झाँसी में,

ब्याह हुआ रानी बन आई लक्ष्मीबाई झाँसी में,

राजमहल में बजी बधाई खुशियाँ छाई झाँसी में,

सुघट बुंदेलों की विरुदावलि-सी वह आयी थी झांसी में,

चित्रा ने अर्जुन को पाया, शिव को मिली भवानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

उदित हुआ सौभाग्य, मुदित महलों में उजियाली छाई,

किंतु कालगति चुपके-चुपके काली घटा घेर लाई,

तीर चलाने वाले कर में उसे चूड़ियाँ कब भाई,

रानी विधवा हुई, हाय! विधि को भी नहीं दया आई।

निसंतान मरे राजाजी रानी शोक-समानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

बुझा दीप झाँसी का तब डलहौज़ी मन में हरषाया,

राज्य हड़प करने का उसने यह अच्छा अवसर पाया,

फ़ौरन फौजें भेज दुर्ग पर अपना झंडा फहराया,

लावारिस का वारिस बनकर ब्रिटिश राज्य झाँसी आया।

अश्रुपूर्ण रानी ने देखा झाँसी हुई बिरानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।

अनुनय विनय नहीं सुनती है, विकट शासकों की माया,

व्यापारी बन दया चाहता था जब यह भारत आया,

डलहौज़ी ने पैर पसारे, अब तो पलट गई काया,

राजाओं नव्वाबों को भी उसने पैरों ठुकराया।

रानी दासी बनी, बनी यह दासी अब महरानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

छिनी राजधानी दिल्ली की, लखनऊ छीना बातों-बात,

कैद पेशवा था बिठूर में, हुआ नागपुर का भी घात,

उदैपुर, तंजौर, सतारा,कर्नाटक की कौन बिसात?

जब कि सिंध, पंजाब ब्रह्म पर अभी हुआ था वज्र-निपात।

बंगाले, मद्रास आदि की भी तो वही कहानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

रानी रोयीं रनिवासों में, बेगम ग़म से थीं बेज़ार,

उनके गहने कपड़े बिकते थे कलकत्ते के बाज़ार,

सरे आम नीलाम छापते थे अंग्रेज़ों के अखबार,

'नागपुर के ज़ेवर ले लो लखनऊ के लो नौलख हार'।

यों परदे की इज़्ज़त परदेशी के हाथ बिकानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,

खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

कुटियों में भी विषम वेदना, महलों में आहत अपमान,

वीर सैनिकों के मन में था अपने पुरखों का अभिमान,

नाना धुंधूपंत पेशवा जुटा रहा था सब सामान,

बहिन छबीली ने रण-चण्डी का कर दिया प्रकट आहवान।

हुआ यज्ञ प्रारम्भ उन्हें तो सोई ज्योति जगानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

महलों ने दी आग, झोंपड़ी ने ज्वाला सुलगाई थी,

यह स्वतंत्रता की चिनगारी अंतरतम से आई थी,

झाँसी चेती, दिल्ली चेती, लखनऊ लपटें छाई थी,

मेरठ, कानपुर,पटना ने भारी धूम मचाई थी,

जबलपुर, कोल्हापुर में भी कुछ हलचल उकसानी थी,

बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

इस स्वतंत्रता महायज्ञ में कई वीरवर आए काम,

नाना धुंधूपंत, ताँतिया, चतुर अज़ीमुल्ला सरनाम,

अहमदशाह मौलवी, ठाकुर कुँवरसिंह सैनिक अभिराम,

ज़ख्मी होकर वाकर भागा, उसे अजब हैरानी थी,बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।

रानी बढ़ी कालपी आई, कर सौ मील निरंतर पार,
घोड़ा थक कर गिरा भूमि पर गया स्वर्ग तत्काल सिधार,
यमुना तट पर अंग्रेज़ों ने फिर खाई रानी से हार,
विजयी रानी आगे चल दी, किया ग्वालियर पर अधिकार।
अंग्रेजों के मित्र सिंधिया ने छोड़ी राजधानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥

विजय मिली, पर अंग्रेज़ों की फिर सेना घिर आई थी,
अबके जनरल स्मिथ सम्मुख था, उसने मुहँ की खाई थी,
काना और मंदरा सखियाँ रानी के संग आई थी,युद्ध श्रेत्र में उन दोनों ने भारी मार मचाई थी।
पर पीछे ह्यूरोज़ आ गया, हाय! घिरी अब रानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥

तो भी रानी मार काट कर चलती बनी सैन्य के पार,
किन्तु सामने नाला आया, था वह संकट विषम अपार,
घोड़ा अड़ा, नया घोड़ा था, इतने में आ गये सवार,
रानी एक, शत्रु बहुतेरे, होने लगे वार-पर-वार।
घायल होकर गिरी सिंहनी उसे वीर गति पानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥

रानी गई सिधार चिता अब उसकी दिव्य सवारी थी,
मिला तेज से तेज, तेज की वह सच्ची अधिकारी थी,
अभी उम्र कुल तेइस की थी, मनुज नहीं अवतारी थी,
हमको जीवित करने आयी बन स्वतंत्रता-नारी थी,
दिखा गई पथ, सिखा गई हमको जो सीख सिखानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥

जाओ रानी याद रखेंगे ये कृतज्ञ भारतवासी,
यह तेरा बलिदान जगावेगा स्वतंत्रता अविनासी,
होवे चुप इतिहास, लगे सच्चाई को चाहे फाँसी,
हो मदमाती विजय, मिटा दे गोलों से चाहे झांसी।
तेरा स्मारक तू ही होगी, तू खुद अमिट निशानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।

old hindi movies

Here is the thing that almost always gets to me when I watch old hindi movies. They are not that old fashioned at all!! :) You know, the things they show, the things these people do, these women, how forward they are, well... I will be damned, coz here I am, this bright smart intelligent young woman who grew up in the nineties in India, and I did not have the guts to do half the things these women do. They go out for long walks with these men, they sit around sipping coffee in restaurants, and sing and dance around trees. What universe are these women from? This did not happen that way in India, not ten years back, so how come it happens in the movies.

There is Rakhi in bemisaal, going out to see kashmir alternatively one day with Vinod Mehra and the next day with Amitabh Bachhan, while the other one sits beside her sick father, Mr. Hangal. umm... what? If your father is sick, will you be traipsing around a hill station, listening to poems and singing songs with two unknown men? I mean, not to talk about the fact that you are so blatantly two timing them, but just, well the whole situation, is that plausible? Does anybody do that?

There is Nargis so coolly travelling half the country with Raj Kapoor in Chori chori. Granted she was a spoilt brat, but, really, any half brained person would not have the guts to do that. It is not safe, and most indian women I know are very very cautious people. We are forever scared of losing face, publicly and privately, we do not take these kind of risks.

Remember Zeenat Aman in Yaadon ki baraat, aahahaaa! wah! the stunts she carries out. I did not even know what a housewarming party was, untill a few years ago, I must be exceptionally backward.

Then there was Aasha Parekh in Teesri MAnzil. The fool! she is going to catch her sister's killer by pretending to be a naive woman alone in a hotel at some hill station. Her plan is to get this man to fall in love with her and then get him caught. Wow! daring hai boss. But if you think about it, if this man was so sinister that he killed her sister, is she not all kinds of a donkey to be putting herself in the same position. And more importantly why does she have to do this by herself, why can she not get her family involved. Or are they all too smart and she is the only one foolish enough to serve the purpose of an illogical story line, I mean that movie, its dialogues and situations are exceptionally B-grade, it is sad really, because the songs are so magically beautiful.

And the list goes on....

I can remember watching so many movies as a kid and thinking probably when I grow up I would have that kind of freedom to do these kinds of things, but it never happened that way. I guess the movies have always been out of sync with real life, or prehaps they have always potrayed a sliver of the population. Maybe some people out there do stuff like that. The rest just quietly walk the line, and its not that fascinating to tell stories of the people who follow the rules, so the heroines are women who are exceptionally ahead of their times. Like the stuff that Priyanka Chopra does in Anjaana Anjaani - nah! i don't think real people do stuff like that.

women with spunk

This from the devdaas post, talking about Paaro got me thinking how many other women I know who have spunk like that? How many women, when they like a guy can go up to him and say, "Hey! Genius! Hum bhi hain raahon me." I know I cannot. Not in a million years. Most women I know cannot have done that. Most women I know would rather wake up every morning and pray "Please Ramji please, ...." But then, some can.

A few. Very few. Very very few.

Like there was this one, she asked him to explain to her, just what he was waiting for? You see, he is the kind of guy who has an answer for every question under the sun, but right now, as she is asking him this question, almost for the first time in his life - he is stumped. He has no idea, what he has been waiting for. He does not even know what he should do next. So she tells him, may be you should talk to my father - "oh ! yeah! right! that! I knew that." Men! I tell you. If she had not told him, it would not have occurred to him, physics or no physics. :)


Then there is this other one.Oh boy she has loads of it. And she is the kind who wouldn't mind letting me tell you her story so I will, this is what she did.

She called him. In the middle of the night, at 2 am or some other god forsaken time like that, she called him and said come and get me. He wasn't too sure, wasn't it too late, "Can we do this in the morning? " अब ले जाते हो तो ले जाओ आकर, और नहीं ले कर के जाते हो तो वो भी कह दो , सह लेंगे हम, सहने वाले क्या क्या सह लेंगे। Poor thing, like that left many options, so he came। He came up those stairs and he wasn't sure if he should ring the bell, it was really late in the night, or very early in the morning, depending on how you looked at it. But he did not have to. She came flying out, and in a country where these things are not talked about much, at an hour when girls don't go out of homes, when she is hindu and he is muslim, right there, in the middle of that night, in the middle of those stairs, she kissed him. She kissed him and he did not know what had hit him. He did not know why she could not have kissed him all those years in school, why had she wasted all that time yapping and running around and doing everything else, instead of this? That's all it would have taken, पर नही, दिमाग तो रात के दो बजे चलना शुरू होता है। Why now? Why does she have to make things so god damned complicated?

Oh I didn't tell you, kahani me twist hai. She got married last month. It was an arranged marriage, but technically this is still her sasuraal. Her in-laws are inside. And here she is, with her classmate, her best friend, the boy she has known all her life, but has only now figured out that he is the one she is in love with, now after one month of being married to someone else. Stuff like that, it can get you killed.

Yeah! I wish I was there, I wasn't, but knowing her, she probably shot one look their side and said "Fuck off!" and walked away. Sorry they are not my words, I don't use them, but this is not my story either, this is her story and she will kill me if I don't tell it in her words.

Now, if you see her, you will see a woman who reads her namaaz five times a day, she keeps his dinner ready before he gets home and she helps their ten year old daughter with her homework. You have to see her in the evening, one minute she is talking to you and then she sees his car take that turn and she is gone. You would never guess that part of their story.

You see, normal day to day life, it hides stuff. People look different buying vegetables on the roadside. You would never know where they come from, what their stories are. Lions pass off for lambs. You would be a fool to be fooled by the exterior. He isn't. He knows that underneath this very obedient wife is still that girl, who could, if the situation warranted, look you in the eye and say "Fuck off!"

Spunk - it is the kind of thing that once you have it in you, it doesn't get out of you.

You know how they say in our culture - that it takes a lot to keep the relationship it takes nothing to break it. I think that is wrong. It takes a lot of guts to break a bad relationship, it takes a heart of steel to walk out too. Most women I know, just keep putting up with nonsense in the name of keeping a relationship. it takes a lot to get up and say stop. I am done. Goodbye. And I admire the women who can do that. And I am so glad I know a few of them. Very proud to be able to call them my friends.

I did not tell the rest of the story here, because someday, I want to tell it right, all of it.

number plates

I just realized I have not collected number plates in a while. i had a piece of paper i used to write them down on, last year or something. Well, another thing on that to do list.

February Books

It is the tenth of February and I have not completed a single book as of yet. I go through these phases, of reading and then not reading. I do not read anything, absolutely nothing in my not- reading phase. So I am really hoping that this is not the onset of the not-reading phase. That would be terrible especially because I did not even have a good reading phase for the last two years at least. I have just been cruising along, picking and leaving things here and there.

Now that i am writing it, I realize how helpless I make it sound. Its not like I am leaf in the wind or something, I guess I do have some control over what i do or do not do, so maybe I can exercise that control, maybe I can just get over myself and not allow me to plunge into a not-reading phase. hmm.. okay good, lets see how that works out, eighteen more days to go :)

January Books

Well, January started out like a fair month to read but it did not really feel that way, even though on paper it looks like i did get some reading done, i have this uncomfortable feeling about it, mostly because I started most of these books in December, so i just finished them this month, did not actually read them start to finish per say. :(( too much to do, too much TV my husband keeps recommending, oh you are going to love this, oh you just have to watch this... and the thing is , once i start it i do get hooked and there goes the book :) I am only writing the books that I either finished reading this month or books that i started but figured will never read ever :)

so lets see what we got done
Piligrim's Progress - i started it with a lot of hope but, i could not get through it, so i don't think i will pick it up again in the near future, this is as close to reading it as i am ever going to come. unfortunately. unless of course my sister decides to help me out and explain the book to me, then i might be tempted to try it again.

Bertrand Russell's autobiography - it was interesting, I really wanted to read it, but it was overdue at the library and i was not getting it done so i decided to give it back instead of paying fines. i think i am going to pick it up again soon, just was very heavy - so kinda awkward to hold while lying in bed :(

Scripts people live - Claude Steiner :) I am not writing anything about this one because either i should write a whole post about it or just shut up. So shutting up is the route i am going right now :)

Toxic in-laws - uff! i cried and cried and cried. Seriously, i did :) This was what I got from the book - a) it has happened to other people, i am not alone and b) when you are not sure if what is being done to you is right or not, imagine the same thing being done to someone you love. Would you want them to put up with it? if not, why are you putting up with it? Why should you not stand up for your self?

The Great Gatsby - Gatsby was in the same category as Mockingbird with me - the list of books i somehow do not want to read, the other one in there is Dickens' Great expectations. So its a wonder of sorts that i randomly picked up Gatsby, and then actually read it, because i cannot tell you the number of times i have picked up Mockingbird and then not read it. I have even paid library fines on it. But, boy am i glad i read Gatsby. This book has completely changed my idea of American literature. It really was a wonderful book, very simple sweet and yet very profound, in a folk lore-ish, non - grand-eloquent way. So elegant, succinct, to the point, that that in itself makes it grandiose. I did not really cry or anything when Gatsby died, but the story left me with a bit of bitterness and resentment. There were moments in there that I so completely could relate to, I admire Mr. Fitzgerald's ability to put in words feelings that can be so hard to describe, and like i said above, he does it so simply, so unostentatiously, that I am just... wowed! Like this moment, when Daisy is standing beside Gatsby, and he is happy, but he looks at the blinking light of her home across the river, and that makes him slightly sad, because now he can never look at that light the same way as he did before, when he longed to be with her, the light has now lost its brilliance. I am not doing justice to it in all these sentences, but F just says it in a matter of words, something like, "it was the loss of one more enchanted object" see, that is beautiful.
या रब दुआ-ऐ-वस्ल न हरगिज़ क़ुबूल हों, फिर दिल में क्या रहा जो हरसत ही निकल गयी।
And to me that is the mark of good storytelling। It does not matter what that emotion is - frustration, pain, pleasure, hope, anger - anything, if someone can put a bunch of words on a piece of paper and make you feel something, i think they did a darn good job.

You've got to read this book - umm.... was fine no big deal except the first part, which has made me want to read this other book, A tree grows in Brooklyn, will do

How to win friends and influence people - yeah! well... it was a nice book, it talks about some very basic things people could do in their interactions with other people. Some are intuitive, plain good breeding and some need a bit of a paradigm shift. but i must mention that i have my issues, i don't buy the premise. You see i don't think people should go about making plans to influence other people. It is demeaning, insulting, and very very rude in my opinion. Perhaps I am being juvenile and adamant with the same boorish attitude i had twenty years back, but... well that is who i am. The book like so many people before it, says you can gather more flies with honey that with vinegar, well, am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not a fly - catcher, i don't want anything to do with flies. Now I don't think I am doing justice to this book, so perhaps I should sit down and write a full post about it. Will do that too.

A new baby card

I loved this card, the image is not as clear and i was not able to get the inside photograph because i had already written in, but it came out beautiful.

I liked the orange - yellow paper and the small beads detail that i added. i am not so good with color so i was glad to see that the red and green beads at the bottom actually work. Inside it had a red lace border that i punched out using a Fleur-de-isle border hold punch.

I also cut out a matching red ' little miracle'. Overall I think it looked really pretty. Of all the cards i have made so far, i would say this was my favouritest. It was actually hard to mail it :)

is se pehle ki yaad tu aaye

meri aankhon me phir lahoo aaye,
tujhse rishtaa main tod jaaunga
main tera sheher chhod jaaunga

I like this song because
1) Kishore Kumar has done such an amazing job of singing it, when he goes tujhse rishtaa ... i love that
2) It is all sorts of crazy, and i like all sorts of crazy. I can see myself doing something like that. ...इससे पहले कि तू मुझको ठुकराए, मेरा दिल तोड़े, अपना दिल खुद मैं तोड़ जाऊँगा.... वाह वाह वाह, क्या ज्ञानी हो जी आप तो। अरे, कोई हमारा दिल तोड़े, वो एक बात, और हम जो खुद ही अपने से दुश्मनी निकालें, पक्की वाली, तो फिर तो ... बल्ले बल्ले हो गयी है... अब् कोई रोक सकता है क्या ऐसे किसी पागल को।

an expression of love

In the way that I evaluate the world, I put great stock in the ability to love something or someone to the point of oblivion to everything else. If you have to pencil it in your calendar and force yourself to make time for it, it is a chore, it is not love. When you are in love, you never have to find time, it makes its own time. It nudges everything else around and makes its own space. When you are in love, you don’t think I have no time to call her, no, you think how am I going to finish all this other stuff up so I can call her. When you are in love and she calls you, you don’t bark a ‘what?’ into the phone. No, you just cannot believe that she has finally called you, you try to hide how happy you are, and yet the smile that is exuding from every pore of your being somehow makes its way across the oceans and seven thousand miles away from you, she is happy too. That is love. I know it because I have been there, I have had it, and nothing you say now is going to convince me otherwise.

He now tells me that ‘all the work I do is for this family, for all of us, it is an expression of my love’ well, that is such baloney and crap. Because all the work you do is an expression of your contentiousness, your taking the responsibility of providing for this family, it is not an expression of your love for me. And you are right, you are doing an amazing job of providing for us, I have absolutely no complaints in that regard. But when you have to take your blackberry out to figure out when you can or cannot have lunch with your wife, and you end up telling her you don’t see how you can make it anytime before the 15^th of February because you are just so swamped with work meetings, it is not an expression of love.

And the least you can do is understand why she is not so appreciative of you trying to give her some time. You should wipe that bewildered look off your face when she gets up and leaves, ‘Forget it, I don’t want to have lunch with you. Ever.’ Seriously, you are not the injured party here, so please stop acting like one.

agar tum na hote

na jaane kyon dil se ye awaaz aayi
milan se hai bardh ke tumhari judaaii

I love these lines, I love them because they are hopelessly romantic, they are asinine, asinine is my new favourite word, you figured eh! yeah! i like using that. back to the song, well... its a nice song, apart from the absurdity mentioned above, but then that is what love is, it confuses the hell out of you, and like i said elsewhere, the more logical analytical you get on its ass, the more the solution eludes you. and that is when you come up with this kind of nonsense. milan se hai bardh kar tumhari judaaii, what does that even mean, how could that be possible, only in upside down universes like ours do fools like me fall for this kind of trickery, because in all those other sensible universes, milan just has to be better than judaii, par shayad angoor khatten hain.

how do you copy from word to blogger

does anybody know what the best way to copy your word document into blogger is? every time i do that, i find that the formatting gets messed up and i have no way of fixing it, short of re-writing the whole thing.

do i sabotage myself?

6 January 2011

There is snow falling out of the window I am sitting in this kids play area slightly depressed. I am not entirely sure why I am depressed, or perhaps I am but want to ignore the reason, thinking that if I look at the reason it might be hard to ignore this feeling down business, which is weird because haven’t we been told enough number of times that staring a problem in the face makes it go away. Or is it possible that we do not stare in the face for precisely that reason we do not wish for it to go away the problem is familiar, we know how to act around it and … well that sounds asinine, why would anyone willingly choose to stay with an unpleasant situation. Who says it is willingly done, subconsciously; we make bad judgment calls and then cry about them. Like last night I thought about putting away my daughter's birthday gift and then I started doing something else and left it there, what did I expect? of course she found it and then I was sad that my surprise had been ruined. Well I sabotaged myself.

what passes off for news in indian media

I watched this clip on zoom (yes, my own fault) about Amitabh Bachchan and Rekha, and god is it ridiculous or what? Here is the breaking news: Amitabh Bachhan was at an award show, he was walking up to the stage, he passed Rekha, Rekha was looking at him as he walked her by and he walked by. umm... i am still waiting for the news.

What happened? Nothing? Then what was the big deal?

If one person is walking up to the stage and they stop on the way, they falter, they say hi to someone, they talk to someone, well even that is not news, it happens, but the fact that they were focused and kept walking in the direction they were going is most certainly unremarkable, every one does that.

If you are sitting in the front row and someone is walking by, you will have to look at them, it would take a lot of effort to look away, why would you bother doing that. So she looked at him, and he walked by, seriously, who cares? But apparently this is enough for some people to lose their marbles.

This passes off for main stream Indian media? This is journalism? By what standards is this news?
arghh!

Now the other part of the picture, let us for the sake of argument assume that maybe there is something between them. Let us agree that she actually has some feelings for him - no i am not saying that based on badly edited flimsy evidence the zoom people provide, i am just saying, for no reason in the world at all, let us just take that as a given. Even then, where is the news.

So one person likes another person, the second person does not reciprocate those feelings, the first person is unable to get rid of their own feelings, I am still looking for the news? They are not stalking anybody, they are not going out of their way to impose themselves on the object of their desire, they are just choosing to experience an emotion they have, and not bowing down to the fanatic societal pressure that tells them that what they feel inside their bones is wrong. Yes, it stands to reason that they are being self destructive, it is counter productive, and no good ever comes out of this kind of business, but still, it is their life to live, and their life to mess up. Leave them alone people. I do not know a single person, and I do mean a single person on the face of this earth, who has not experienced unrequited love at some point or another in their lives. It is as prevalent as human beings are.

The duration is immaterial, whether you suffered for two hours or two days, you remember what it felt like. You can extrapolate and imagine what it would feel like for someone who has been nursing this for two decades. No, don't tell me you cannot. If you have ever burnt your finger you can imagine the hell it would be if you sustained whole body burns. Yes, it would take some imagination, a whole lot of compassion, and kindness, but if we apply ourselves, everysingle one of us is capable of imagining what it would feel like to be in someone else's shoes, within an acceptable margin for error. So maybe we can stop being Mr. Lazybones and exert ourselves, and let people be.

And finally, the feminist in me is offended by the insulting tone this channel uses for Rekha. If a man nursed a wound for a woman for ages, he would be deified, and hero-fied. The woman would be made out to be a callous, calculating, cold-hearted B***h, who hurt him. But when a woman holds out for a man, the man is made out to be a decent family man being unnecessarily harrased by some female banshee who does not take no for an answer. They make Rekha look so pathetic. Oh my god! are you kidding me! get out of my face! seriously!

That's why I don't watch TV.