So Nietzsche says no moral facts exist. He thinks morality is a social construct, the idea of good and bad comes in to play only in society, it is a point of view, the oppressor calls himself good, while the victim calls the oppressor bad and so on. But no objective morality exists. There are other aspects to his analysis of the origin of morality and there is merit to it, but for the time being I only want to concentrate on the idea that "no moral facts exist".
Do I agree? well, I do and I do not. The question I would like to ask is does fire exist? You cannot have a flame in the absence of a combustible substance reaching its ignition temperature and a supporter of combustion, if you take any one thing out of the equation fire no longer exists. There are conditions to the existence of fire. So does that mean no objective fire exists?
Similarly does motion exist? If you had an isolated single object in a vast unbounded universe, does it move? you need at least two objects to be reasonably be able to say that one is moving wrt to the other or they are both stationery wrt to each other and so on, so can you say that no objective motion exists? oh wait actually we do say that... hmm...
if yes, then fine, it is safe to say that no objective moral facts exist.
But if we agree that the existence of every observable phenomenon has its own conditions then, that would apply to morality also. then the question becoems, what are the conditions necessary for the existence of morality?
To me morality comes into existence not just with a large organized society, but any time there are more than one living things in the system, that system has acquired morality, there is now a point of view by which certain actions look good or bad and by corollary another point of view in which those very same actions look the opposite. They don't have to be human, two animals, one human being with another animal or plant, how does one behave or act towards the other, does it treat it with respect, does it value the other organism's right to live with dignity or does it not. Does one of them thrive at the cost of the other, does it make the other pay for its own survival.
so there, that is my answer. i think morality exists, just as much as other physical facts exist, like them it has its own set of conditions necessary for its existence namely the presence of more than one life form and their mutual interaction.
Now the question i am working on in my head is if you had two independent universes with the same kinds of life forms on each, would the morality in each have to be the same. Are there laws that govern the evolution of morality, laws that would govern the behavior of living things towards each other. Is there any real 'should' that actions ought to conform to? Or is might always right, at least to the group that has the might, as Nietzsche seems to point. hmm...
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
March Books
In defense of Food: I liked it fine, the one take away point I got was his suggestion to not eat anything your grandmother would not recognize as food. He thinks our eating habits have changed so much in the past couple of generations that our bodies have not evolved fast enough to cope with the change, and hence we suffer from a whole lot of new health problems.
Angela's Ashes : I finally gave up on this book. It has taken me forever to read it. Actually that is not true, it took me forever to pick it up between readings. It was just so god damned painful to read it. It describes poverty and hunger in such great detail and so close and personal it makes you cognizant of the painful lives other people in your community are leading. Personally every time I read it I wondered if i had any right to be eating all the things I was, I just couldn't eat, the guilt was too much. I could not convince myself that I was not responsible for the child who went hungry tonight, isn't the blood on all our hands? It has been one of the most traumatic books I have ever read. I questioned myself on my duty towards the hunger problem, I have tried to find out about hunger in my community, I have tried to learn more about food banks, about this food drive that the hare rama hare krishna people run in india and abroad, I have thought long and hard about this, I am not doing anything close to what I think I should be doing, but the book has definitely gotten me thinking in the direction. I am no longer oblivious to the fact that there is a problem and it needs to be addressed. And yet, I am the wuss who could not finish reading the book. It was just excruciatingly painful, I admit defeat.
Angela's Ashes : I finally gave up on this book. It has taken me forever to read it. Actually that is not true, it took me forever to pick it up between readings. It was just so god damned painful to read it. It describes poverty and hunger in such great detail and so close and personal it makes you cognizant of the painful lives other people in your community are leading. Personally every time I read it I wondered if i had any right to be eating all the things I was, I just couldn't eat, the guilt was too much. I could not convince myself that I was not responsible for the child who went hungry tonight, isn't the blood on all our hands? It has been one of the most traumatic books I have ever read. I questioned myself on my duty towards the hunger problem, I have tried to find out about hunger in my community, I have tried to learn more about food banks, about this food drive that the hare rama hare krishna people run in india and abroad, I have thought long and hard about this, I am not doing anything close to what I think I should be doing, but the book has definitely gotten me thinking in the direction. I am no longer oblivious to the fact that there is a problem and it needs to be addressed. And yet, I am the wuss who could not finish reading the book. It was just excruciatingly painful, I admit defeat.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
am feeling lonely
Today is one of those days when I am feeling so alone, left out, just all by myself. Usually I like that, to have time to myself, to be able to hear myself think, to not have to make conversation. But once in a while it can get to you. As human beings it is in our very natures to seek contact with other human beings. However flawed and unsatisfying we might find that interaction, however upset we might get at their inabilities to understand us, to relate to us, we still seek out someone who would listen to us. And when we don't get that for a while we become sad and forlorn.
You know that feeling, when you are walking on the side of a bridge, on a cold, dark, misty night. You are enjoying the chill in the air, the soft wet vapors that barely condense on your face, inhaling the essence of a lonely night. And then you happen to look at the scene below. For a few minutes you admire it. The valley to the right, the city to the left, and miles of highway below your feet, with its long lines of cars, the unending white lights of those approaching and the red ones of those going away. A necklace of pearls and rubies. Cars coming and going - from nowhere to nowhere.
But no. Not from nowhere, not to nowhere. No, cars coming coming from homes going home. From work, from visiting family, from vacations. Cars hauling people and their possessions, nick-knacks, things. And it occurs to you, that at this hour of the night, they are probably all going home. All trying their best to not cross the speed limit too much, to not fall asleep behind the wheel, and to not stop for gas and just somehow get home.
Home - what an thing, what a place, what a concept.
You look at the city lights, and it dawns on you that as pretty as they look, each one of those shimmering, twinkling, sometimes struggling lights, is a home. Every single one of those lights is a place where some weary traveler longs to be when he is out on the road. Yes, some of those lights are homes where bad things happen. Kids go to bed hungry, women get punched, yelling kicking screaming fests unfold. Where bones and hearts get broken, and people get hurt. Yes, some of those lights are homes, where bad things happen. And yet people would rather be home. Something about a roof and four walls, that compared to all the troubles of homes, the streets are filthier still.
And the night is not so good anymore, is it? This thought about homes has ruined it for you. All those things about this night that you were not just comfortable with, but were positively enjoying moments before, are not so beautiful anymore. The night is cold, the air damp, it even smells malicious. This long line of cars below your feet is a reminder of just how far away from home you are. You are a stranger in these parts, an outsider in an alien land, you don't belong.
And that gets you to wondering who in their right minds would come out on to this dark bridge, in the middle of the night, all by themselves.What were you hoping to achieve - getting mugged? That if you had an iota of sense you would have stayed home and not ventured out.
That is how I am feeling right now. Sitting with my laptop, on the verge of finding 500 million friends, I feel alone. All by myself. Lonely... Here at my fingertips are all those social networking sites, where people update statuses, write messages, and keep in touch with each other on a second by second basis. And yes they are not all friendly interactions, all those messages are not pretty or cordial, there is gossip and spite and malice, there is bitchiness and cattiness and all those other mean things that women do to each other in social contexts. And I am sure men have their own pissing contests, but I am not tuned in to those.
So most of the times I feel why bother? Why ever sign into any of those lousy sites? They are the same people, sitting in front of you, passing you on the street, or commenting on your comments. If you don't get each other in person, it ain't gonna happen online either.
But on some days, you would take even that. Because you are that lonely. And that is one depressing thought.
But mine is not the kind of heart that can stay sad too long, and usually it is on nights like these, before I get too blue, that I think of that song - जाने क्या सोच कर नही गुज़रा... वो एक पल रात भर नही गुज़रा.' there is a line in there ... अपनी तन्हाई का शिकवा न किसी से करना, तुम अकेले नही वो सब भी अकेले हैं. ये अकेला सफ़र नही गुज़रा...
and that always makes me smile. Always, and somehow feel less lonely. Because it is true, i may feel lonely sometimes, but I am not alone. I know that there are a whole lot of people out there who probably feel the same way too. So ... whatever.... I need to get over myself, right. :)
You know that feeling, when you are walking on the side of a bridge, on a cold, dark, misty night. You are enjoying the chill in the air, the soft wet vapors that barely condense on your face, inhaling the essence of a lonely night. And then you happen to look at the scene below. For a few minutes you admire it. The valley to the right, the city to the left, and miles of highway below your feet, with its long lines of cars, the unending white lights of those approaching and the red ones of those going away. A necklace of pearls and rubies. Cars coming and going - from nowhere to nowhere.
But no. Not from nowhere, not to nowhere. No, cars coming coming from homes going home. From work, from visiting family, from vacations. Cars hauling people and their possessions, nick-knacks, things. And it occurs to you, that at this hour of the night, they are probably all going home. All trying their best to not cross the speed limit too much, to not fall asleep behind the wheel, and to not stop for gas and just somehow get home.
Home - what an thing, what a place, what a concept.
You look at the city lights, and it dawns on you that as pretty as they look, each one of those shimmering, twinkling, sometimes struggling lights, is a home. Every single one of those lights is a place where some weary traveler longs to be when he is out on the road. Yes, some of those lights are homes where bad things happen. Kids go to bed hungry, women get punched, yelling kicking screaming fests unfold. Where bones and hearts get broken, and people get hurt. Yes, some of those lights are homes, where bad things happen. And yet people would rather be home. Something about a roof and four walls, that compared to all the troubles of homes, the streets are filthier still.
And the night is not so good anymore, is it? This thought about homes has ruined it for you. All those things about this night that you were not just comfortable with, but were positively enjoying moments before, are not so beautiful anymore. The night is cold, the air damp, it even smells malicious. This long line of cars below your feet is a reminder of just how far away from home you are. You are a stranger in these parts, an outsider in an alien land, you don't belong.
And that gets you to wondering who in their right minds would come out on to this dark bridge, in the middle of the night, all by themselves.What were you hoping to achieve - getting mugged? That if you had an iota of sense you would have stayed home and not ventured out.
That is how I am feeling right now. Sitting with my laptop, on the verge of finding 500 million friends, I feel alone. All by myself. Lonely... Here at my fingertips are all those social networking sites, where people update statuses, write messages, and keep in touch with each other on a second by second basis. And yes they are not all friendly interactions, all those messages are not pretty or cordial, there is gossip and spite and malice, there is bitchiness and cattiness and all those other mean things that women do to each other in social contexts. And I am sure men have their own pissing contests, but I am not tuned in to those.
So most of the times I feel why bother? Why ever sign into any of those lousy sites? They are the same people, sitting in front of you, passing you on the street, or commenting on your comments. If you don't get each other in person, it ain't gonna happen online either.
But on some days, you would take even that. Because you are that lonely. And that is one depressing thought.
But mine is not the kind of heart that can stay sad too long, and usually it is on nights like these, before I get too blue, that I think of that song - जाने क्या सोच कर नही गुज़रा... वो एक पल रात भर नही गुज़रा.' there is a line in there ... अपनी तन्हाई का शिकवा न किसी से करना, तुम अकेले नही वो सब भी अकेले हैं. ये अकेला सफ़र नही गुज़रा...
and that always makes me smile. Always, and somehow feel less lonely. Because it is true, i may feel lonely sometimes, but I am not alone. I know that there are a whole lot of people out there who probably feel the same way too. So ... whatever.... I need to get over myself, right. :)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
February books part 2
It was like i had expected, i was not able to get a lot done during february. :((
1. The emotional brain: Joseph Ledoux: I was loving it in the beginning. It is a neurobiologist's look at how the brain generates, interprets, and responds to emotions. What stimuli produce what kinds of reactions, what parts of the brain are involved and what are not. He goes over the history of the science of understanding emotions and does a pretty good job of it if i might say so. He describes experiments that give scientists a peek into the mysteries of what goes on in the brain.
Like there was this one experiment, where they gave women a lot of stockings in different bins and asked them to pick the best ones. Later they were asked reasons for their choices and people used explanations like texture, feel, quality of the cloth etc. The catch was, that they were all the same kinds of stockings, exactly alike. The inference being that once people make a choice, they fill in the reasons themselves, irrespective of whether those reasons exist in fact or not. Which I find very interesting, because that means that all you can ever say with confidence is that you like or do not like something, you can not really know why, your brain will give you bogus excuses. Or perhaps you cannot even be sure it likes what it likes, because why would it like one pair of stockings over the other when they are all supposedly alike? Interesting stuff isn't it.
In fact, i was having so much fun in the beginning I had half a mind to write to him and ask him if he would let me come work for him, then i figured, him being a brain scientist and all, he might insist on a full mind commitment :)
But later on the experiments conducted on animals got a bit too gore for my sensibilities, now may be i am wuss of all kinds, but I cannot imagine chopping off parts of a monkey's brain to infer that even though the visual regions of the brain were completely intact the monkey had the lost the ability to interpret the vision so he acted blind and would touch and smell and taste everything to be able to decide if that was edible or not. that is heinous! Or this other other one where they scared rats 'shitless' literally and measured the amount of fear by the number of droppings. Or where they modified the parts of the brain that experience fear, and then provided scary stimulii. How inhumane is that. I just find it hard to digest that you can learn about emotions in human beings by so grossly denying the one emotion that makes us human - compassion. How can we be so cruel to animals in the name of research. I could not stomach it anymore so I had to give up on it.
2. The E Myth revisted - The book is about the entrepreneurial myth, why most small businesses fail and what to do about it, being the tag line. I enjoyed it because it was very relevant, I could see my husband having gone through those stages since he started his business a few years back. It was also humbling, because of all the arguments and disagreements that we have had about the business - at least according to this book - he was right and i was wrong. Which is good too, because I ahve this whole new respect for him for having had foresight and instinct without reading about it in any book :) But then, this book did for me, what he himself has not been able to do in all these years. It has given me a whole new understanding of what a business should be about and just completely changed my idea of who should and should not go into business. I enjoyed reading it.
1. The emotional brain: Joseph Ledoux: I was loving it in the beginning. It is a neurobiologist's look at how the brain generates, interprets, and responds to emotions. What stimuli produce what kinds of reactions, what parts of the brain are involved and what are not. He goes over the history of the science of understanding emotions and does a pretty good job of it if i might say so. He describes experiments that give scientists a peek into the mysteries of what goes on in the brain.
Like there was this one experiment, where they gave women a lot of stockings in different bins and asked them to pick the best ones. Later they were asked reasons for their choices and people used explanations like texture, feel, quality of the cloth etc. The catch was, that they were all the same kinds of stockings, exactly alike. The inference being that once people make a choice, they fill in the reasons themselves, irrespective of whether those reasons exist in fact or not. Which I find very interesting, because that means that all you can ever say with confidence is that you like or do not like something, you can not really know why, your brain will give you bogus excuses. Or perhaps you cannot even be sure it likes what it likes, because why would it like one pair of stockings over the other when they are all supposedly alike? Interesting stuff isn't it.
In fact, i was having so much fun in the beginning I had half a mind to write to him and ask him if he would let me come work for him, then i figured, him being a brain scientist and all, he might insist on a full mind commitment :)
But later on the experiments conducted on animals got a bit too gore for my sensibilities, now may be i am wuss of all kinds, but I cannot imagine chopping off parts of a monkey's brain to infer that even though the visual regions of the brain were completely intact the monkey had the lost the ability to interpret the vision so he acted blind and would touch and smell and taste everything to be able to decide if that was edible or not. that is heinous! Or this other other one where they scared rats 'shitless' literally and measured the amount of fear by the number of droppings. Or where they modified the parts of the brain that experience fear, and then provided scary stimulii. How inhumane is that. I just find it hard to digest that you can learn about emotions in human beings by so grossly denying the one emotion that makes us human - compassion. How can we be so cruel to animals in the name of research. I could not stomach it anymore so I had to give up on it.
2. The E Myth revisted - The book is about the entrepreneurial myth, why most small businesses fail and what to do about it, being the tag line. I enjoyed it because it was very relevant, I could see my husband having gone through those stages since he started his business a few years back. It was also humbling, because of all the arguments and disagreements that we have had about the business - at least according to this book - he was right and i was wrong. Which is good too, because I ahve this whole new respect for him for having had foresight and instinct without reading about it in any book :) But then, this book did for me, what he himself has not been able to do in all these years. It has given me a whole new understanding of what a business should be about and just completely changed my idea of who should and should not go into business. I enjoyed reading it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
I am going to be honest with you.....
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when someone says that?
So were you being dishonest with me so far?
yeah! me too. I really wonder why people say that. It puts me off like nobody's business, especially when I am interviewing someone and in the middle of the interview they say 'oh I am going to be honest with you.....' ohh my god! Usually I stop asking questions after that disclosure or if i do, it is just to be polite. I once actually replied to this woman with a 'thank you so much for deciding to finally be honest with me, I appreciate that.' Well, she didn't get the sarcasm, she just smiled.
No, i have never hired someone who has used that sentence, or kept them for long. Maybe that is my bias against this particular combination of words, but so it is.
And yes, I know there are exceptions to the rule. I am sure I have probably said them myself too at some point, but i am sure that in those circumstances it was perfectly justified ;)
So were you being dishonest with me so far?
yeah! me too. I really wonder why people say that. It puts me off like nobody's business, especially when I am interviewing someone and in the middle of the interview they say 'oh I am going to be honest with you.....' ohh my god! Usually I stop asking questions after that disclosure or if i do, it is just to be polite. I once actually replied to this woman with a 'thank you so much for deciding to finally be honest with me, I appreciate that.' Well, she didn't get the sarcasm, she just smiled.
No, i have never hired someone who has used that sentence, or kept them for long. Maybe that is my bias against this particular combination of words, but so it is.
And yes, I know there are exceptions to the rule. I am sure I have probably said them myself too at some point, but i am sure that in those circumstances it was perfectly justified ;)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
The thing that no one tells you
about growing older is that you don't actually feel older.
Inside, you are still the same. You feel old enough at twenty, and that is where you probably stay the rest of your life. Yes, here and there you feel jaded and tired and think that is what it means to be older, but not really. Your perception of how old you are, remains constant. It is the outer signs that change, people's expectations from your behaviour perhaps, that makes you think you must act a certain way to fit your particular age.
Sometimes, i still get surprised that i am 33 and have my own home and kids and i manage them all fine, all by myself. Because sometimes i cannot distinguish my 33 old self from the 20 year old me, who was a girl in her parents house and whose only concern in the world was to make sure that her mom does not catch her chatting on the phone when she was supposed to be studying.
Now, when my mom is visiting I am still scared of her catching me on the phone when i was supposed to be doing something else, or reading a book when she thinks I should be talking to her and not ignoring her. I should have better manners she says, she is a guest here. Guest! what guest? You are not a guest, you are my mom!
Inside, you are still the same. You feel old enough at twenty, and that is where you probably stay the rest of your life. Yes, here and there you feel jaded and tired and think that is what it means to be older, but not really. Your perception of how old you are, remains constant. It is the outer signs that change, people's expectations from your behaviour perhaps, that makes you think you must act a certain way to fit your particular age.
Sometimes, i still get surprised that i am 33 and have my own home and kids and i manage them all fine, all by myself. Because sometimes i cannot distinguish my 33 old self from the 20 year old me, who was a girl in her parents house and whose only concern in the world was to make sure that her mom does not catch her chatting on the phone when she was supposed to be studying.
Now, when my mom is visiting I am still scared of her catching me on the phone when i was supposed to be doing something else, or reading a book when she thinks I should be talking to her and not ignoring her. I should have better manners she says, she is a guest here. Guest! what guest? You are not a guest, you are my mom!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Maybelline eye studio Lasting drama gel eyliner - Product review
i have never done product reviews before, but i want to try this :)
I bought the maybelline gel eyeliner in blackest black a few months back and I am loving this product. I have not had a good relationship with maybelline, their color makeup does not somehow suit my skin, and once one of their lipsticks smelled so bad, it put me off the brand for years.
But this product is something else. It came in a small glass pot, with a convenient brush. it is soft, goes on smooth almost like an eyeshadow, you can play with it, smudge it, get it into little places and then after a few minutes it dries and stays put for the whole day. I like how you can get it to be very dark and intense or smudged, whatever you choose, an option not available with the wet eyeliners.
The only thing you have to remember to do is to wash the brush after you are done, or the gel will harden on the brush and you will not have such smooth sailing the next time. But then, we are supposed to wash our brushes in any case - not that we do it :)
Thumbs up : 5 stars
I bought the maybelline gel eyeliner in blackest black a few months back and I am loving this product. I have not had a good relationship with maybelline, their color makeup does not somehow suit my skin, and once one of their lipsticks smelled so bad, it put me off the brand for years.
But this product is something else. It came in a small glass pot, with a convenient brush. it is soft, goes on smooth almost like an eyeshadow, you can play with it, smudge it, get it into little places and then after a few minutes it dries and stays put for the whole day. I like how you can get it to be very dark and intense or smudged, whatever you choose, an option not available with the wet eyeliners.
The only thing you have to remember to do is to wash the brush after you are done, or the gel will harden on the brush and you will not have such smooth sailing the next time. But then, we are supposed to wash our brushes in any case - not that we do it :)
Thumbs up : 5 stars
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
chin up
I am going through a phase in life where I am supposed to keep my chin up and my nose to the grindstone.
Well, here is the trouble with it, incase you have never tried doing them together. You have to carry the grindstone at a very awkward angle. Sorta puts your back out :)
Well, here is the trouble with it, incase you have never tried doing them together. You have to carry the grindstone at a very awkward angle. Sorta puts your back out :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
What would you rather have...
know that you are right and have everyone (almost everyone) think you are wrong
or
know that you are wrong, and have every one think you are right?
Yes I know you would want to be right, know you are right, AND have everyone think you are right too. Why not? But life just does not comply with your wishes that often now does it? So... back to the two options....How do you choose the right answer? Is the right answer the easier one or the harder one? Do you follow the path of least resistance or do you go against the grain of who you are to reinvent yourself?
Admittedly the biggest advantage of having everyone think you are right is a huge ego boost. People praise you, say you are so good or smart or something and treat you better that they would have otherwise and that should make life easier. Or would it? Would it not then give you the guilt of knowing you are not as good or as correct as they think you are? It ruined Lady Macbeth.
Of course, in my experience that is not a downer for some people who have absolutely no concept of self-analysis, and since they never look at themselves or their actions in an honest critical light, it does not affect them, so for such people perhaps it is better to be thought good of than being good on the inside.
I know that that would never work for me, I would have to set the record straight so then for me the easier choice is to actually do the right thing and if other people do not get it or choose to think ill of me then, teach myself to deal with it.
But the trouble is that even that is easier said than done. I realize that it is all fine and dandy to say my family doesn't get me, but what would you do if the law was after you and if you and the powers that be did not see eye to eye? What if you could not prove your innocence, and were sentenced because you said, hey I know I am right, the hell with what the judge thinks. Well, doesn't work does it. We know that history is full of incidences when innocent people were condemned and sentenced because the law did not accept their defense, or people who when faced with a hostile biased jury, just gave up, and did not even bother putting up a defense - why give create an illusion of legitimacy when it was all a sham. I get that. And yet, I know that it hurts like hell, to hear people say bad things about you.
Only I don't know what you can do different? I don't know whether it is so much of a choice after all. People will think what they want to, there is not much that you can do to make them think different. If they like someone they will go ahead and like every thing that person does and if they don't then they will find a fault with everything that person does. For example if someone is hosting a dinner party and specifically tells you to not bring anything, and lets say you still cook something and bring it. What happens, if they like you they will be all grateful and think ' oh how sweet, she still brought me something.' and if they don't like you, they will think ' oh what a show off, i told her to not bring anything, but she just has to do whatever she wants.' You see there is no way to win these things.
All my life I thought the answer was obvious to me, I thought I would much rather know that I am right and then the hell with what anyone else thinks. And I know I have lived that way for the most of my life. Only lately the choice came on a very huge scale, where a lot and I mean a lot of people think I am wrong and I am forced to live with that.
And it is just not easy, in fact, it is so hard that there are days when i genuinely think life would have been so much easier if everyone thought i was right and then the hell with being actually right or wrong. हाँ, हाँ, मैं फिर एक नए पतन कि कगार पर हूँ...
Anyways, it has gotten me to think about the old dilemma gain, and i have been trying to list out why the choice was obvious to me in the first place.
or
know that you are wrong, and have every one think you are right?
Yes I know you would want to be right, know you are right, AND have everyone think you are right too. Why not? But life just does not comply with your wishes that often now does it? So... back to the two options....How do you choose the right answer? Is the right answer the easier one or the harder one? Do you follow the path of least resistance or do you go against the grain of who you are to reinvent yourself?
Admittedly the biggest advantage of having everyone think you are right is a huge ego boost. People praise you, say you are so good or smart or something and treat you better that they would have otherwise and that should make life easier. Or would it? Would it not then give you the guilt of knowing you are not as good or as correct as they think you are? It ruined Lady Macbeth.
Of course, in my experience that is not a downer for some people who have absolutely no concept of self-analysis, and since they never look at themselves or their actions in an honest critical light, it does not affect them, so for such people perhaps it is better to be thought good of than being good on the inside.
I know that that would never work for me, I would have to set the record straight so then for me the easier choice is to actually do the right thing and if other people do not get it or choose to think ill of me then, teach myself to deal with it.
But the trouble is that even that is easier said than done. I realize that it is all fine and dandy to say my family doesn't get me, but what would you do if the law was after you and if you and the powers that be did not see eye to eye? What if you could not prove your innocence, and were sentenced because you said, hey I know I am right, the hell with what the judge thinks. Well, doesn't work does it. We know that history is full of incidences when innocent people were condemned and sentenced because the law did not accept their defense, or people who when faced with a hostile biased jury, just gave up, and did not even bother putting up a defense - why give create an illusion of legitimacy when it was all a sham. I get that. And yet, I know that it hurts like hell, to hear people say bad things about you.
Only I don't know what you can do different? I don't know whether it is so much of a choice after all. People will think what they want to, there is not much that you can do to make them think different. If they like someone they will go ahead and like every thing that person does and if they don't then they will find a fault with everything that person does. For example if someone is hosting a dinner party and specifically tells you to not bring anything, and lets say you still cook something and bring it. What happens, if they like you they will be all grateful and think ' oh how sweet, she still brought me something.' and if they don't like you, they will think ' oh what a show off, i told her to not bring anything, but she just has to do whatever she wants.' You see there is no way to win these things.
All my life I thought the answer was obvious to me, I thought I would much rather know that I am right and then the hell with what anyone else thinks. And I know I have lived that way for the most of my life. Only lately the choice came on a very huge scale, where a lot and I mean a lot of people think I am wrong and I am forced to live with that.
And it is just not easy, in fact, it is so hard that there are days when i genuinely think life would have been so much easier if everyone thought i was right and then the hell with being actually right or wrong. हाँ, हाँ, मैं फिर एक नए पतन कि कगार पर हूँ...
Anyways, it has gotten me to think about the old dilemma gain, and i have been trying to list out why the choice was obvious to me in the first place.
Friday, February 18, 2011
bundele harbolon ke munh hamne suni kahani thi
I love this poem. If I remember right, it was in my grade 8 textbook,and back then, i used to know it verbatim :)
सिंहासन हिल उठे राजवंशों ने भृकुटी तानी थी,
बूढ़े भारत में भी आई फिर से नयी जवानी थी,सिंहासन हिल उठे राजवंशों ने भृकुटी तानी थी,
गुमी हुई आज़ादी की कीमत सबने पहचानी थी,
दूर फिरंगी को करने की सबने मन में ठानी थी।चमक उठी सन सत्तावन में, वह तलवार पुरानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
कानपूर के नाना की, मुँहबोली बहन छबीली थी,
लक्ष्मीबाई नाम, पिता की वह संतान अकेली थी,नाना के सँग पढ़ती थी वह, नाना के सँग खेली थी,
बरछी, ढाल, कृपाण, कटारी उसकी यही सहेली थी।वीर शिवाजी की गाथायें उसको याद ज़बानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
लक्ष्मी थी या दुर्गा थी वह स्वयं वीरता की अवतार,
देख मराठे पुलकित होते उसकी तलवारों के वार,नकली युद्ध-व्यूह की रचना और खेलना खूब शिकार,
सैन्य घेरना, दुर्ग तोड़ना ये थे उसके प्रिय खिलवाड़|महाराष्ट्र-कुल-देवी उसकी भी आराध्य भवानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
हुई वीरता की वैभव के साथ सगाई झाँसी में,
ब्याह हुआ रानी बन आई लक्ष्मीबाई झाँसी में,राजमहल में बजी बधाई खुशियाँ छाई झाँसी में,
सुघट बुंदेलों की विरुदावलि-सी वह आयी थी झांसी में,चित्रा ने अर्जुन को पाया, शिव को मिली भवानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
उदित हुआ सौभाग्य, मुदित महलों में उजियाली छाई,
किंतु कालगति चुपके-चुपके काली घटा घेर लाई,तीर चलाने वाले कर में उसे चूड़ियाँ कब भाई,
रानी विधवा हुई, हाय! विधि को भी नहीं दया आई।निसंतान मरे राजाजी रानी शोक-समानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
बुझा दीप झाँसी का तब डलहौज़ी मन में हरषाया,
राज्य हड़प करने का उसने यह अच्छा अवसर पाया,फ़ौरन फौजें भेज दुर्ग पर अपना झंडा फहराया,
लावारिस का वारिस बनकर ब्रिटिश राज्य झाँसी आया।अश्रुपूर्ण रानी ने देखा झाँसी हुई बिरानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।
अनुनय विनय नहीं सुनती है, विकट शासकों की माया,
व्यापारी बन दया चाहता था जब यह भारत आया,डलहौज़ी ने पैर पसारे, अब तो पलट गई काया,
राजाओं नव्वाबों को भी उसने पैरों ठुकराया।रानी दासी बनी, बनी यह दासी अब महरानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
छिनी राजधानी दिल्ली की, लखनऊ छीना बातों-बात,
कैद पेशवा था बिठूर में, हुआ नागपुर का भी घात,उदैपुर, तंजौर, सतारा,कर्नाटक की कौन बिसात?
जब कि सिंध, पंजाब ब्रह्म पर अभी हुआ था वज्र-निपात।बंगाले, मद्रास आदि की भी तो वही कहानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
रानी रोयीं रनिवासों में, बेगम ग़म से थीं बेज़ार,
उनके गहने कपड़े बिकते थे कलकत्ते के बाज़ार,सरे आम नीलाम छापते थे अंग्रेज़ों के अखबार,
'नागपुर के ज़ेवर ले लो लखनऊ के लो नौलख हार'।यों परदे की इज़्ज़त परदेशी के हाथ बिकानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
कुटियों में भी विषम वेदना, महलों में आहत अपमान,
वीर सैनिकों के मन में था अपने पुरखों का अभिमान,नाना धुंधूपंत पेशवा जुटा रहा था सब सामान,
बहिन छबीली ने रण-चण्डी का कर दिया प्रकट आहवान।हुआ यज्ञ प्रारम्भ उन्हें तो सोई ज्योति जगानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।महलों ने दी आग, झोंपड़ी ने ज्वाला सुलगाई थी,
यह स्वतंत्रता की चिनगारी अंतरतम से आई थी,झाँसी चेती, दिल्ली चेती, लखनऊ लपटें छाई थी,
मेरठ, कानपुर,पटना ने भारी धूम मचाई थी,जबलपुर, कोल्हापुर में भी कुछ हलचल उकसानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।इस स्वतंत्रता महायज्ञ में कई वीरवर आए काम,
नाना धुंधूपंत, ताँतिया, चतुर अज़ीमुल्ला सरनाम,अहमदशाह मौलवी, ठाकुर कुँवरसिंह सैनिक अभिराम,
ज़ख्मी होकर वाकर भागा, उसे अजब हैरानी थी,बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।रानी बढ़ी कालपी आई, कर सौ मील निरंतर पार,
घोड़ा थक कर गिरा भूमि पर गया स्वर्ग तत्काल सिधार,
यमुना तट पर अंग्रेज़ों ने फिर खाई रानी से हार,
विजयी रानी आगे चल दी, किया ग्वालियर पर अधिकार।
अंग्रेजों के मित्र सिंधिया ने छोड़ी राजधानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥
विजय मिली, पर अंग्रेज़ों की फिर सेना घिर आई थी,
अबके जनरल स्मिथ सम्मुख था, उसने मुहँ की खाई थी,
काना और मंदरा सखियाँ रानी के संग आई थी,युद्ध श्रेत्र में उन दोनों ने भारी मार मचाई थी।
पर पीछे ह्यूरोज़ आ गया, हाय! घिरी अब रानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥
तो भी रानी मार काट कर चलती बनी सैन्य के पार,
किन्तु सामने नाला आया, था वह संकट विषम अपार,
घोड़ा अड़ा, नया घोड़ा था, इतने में आ गये सवार,
रानी एक, शत्रु बहुतेरे, होने लगे वार-पर-वार।
घायल होकर गिरी सिंहनी उसे वीर गति पानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥
रानी गई सिधार चिता अब उसकी दिव्य सवारी थी,
मिला तेज से तेज, तेज की वह सच्ची अधिकारी थी,
अभी उम्र कुल तेइस की थी, मनुज नहीं अवतारी थी,
हमको जीवित करने आयी बन स्वतंत्रता-नारी थी,
दिखा गई पथ, सिखा गई हमको जो सीख सिखानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी॥
जाओ रानी याद रखेंगे ये कृतज्ञ भारतवासी,
यह तेरा बलिदान जगावेगा स्वतंत्रता अविनासी,
होवे चुप इतिहास, लगे सच्चाई को चाहे फाँसी,
हो मदमाती विजय, मिटा दे गोलों से चाहे झांसी।
तेरा स्मारक तू ही होगी, तू खुद अमिट निशानी थी,
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह हमने सुनी कहानी थी,खूब लड़ी मर्दानी वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी।।
Thursday, February 17, 2011
old hindi movies
Here is the thing that almost always gets to me when I watch old hindi movies. They are not that old fashioned at all!! :) You know, the things they show, the things these people do, these women, how forward they are, well... I will be damned, coz here I am, this bright smart intelligent young woman who grew up in the nineties in India, and I did not have the guts to do half the things these women do. They go out for long walks with these men, they sit around sipping coffee in restaurants, and sing and dance around trees. What universe are these women from? This did not happen that way in India, not ten years back, so how come it happens in the movies.
There is Rakhi in bemisaal, going out to see kashmir alternatively one day with Vinod Mehra and the next day with Amitabh Bachhan, while the other one sits beside her sick father, Mr. Hangal. umm... what? If your father is sick, will you be traipsing around a hill station, listening to poems and singing songs with two unknown men? I mean, not to talk about the fact that you are so blatantly two timing them, but just, well the whole situation, is that plausible? Does anybody do that?
There is Nargis so coolly travelling half the country with Raj Kapoor in Chori chori. Granted she was a spoilt brat, but, really, any half brained person would not have the guts to do that. It is not safe, and most indian women I know are very very cautious people. We are forever scared of losing face, publicly and privately, we do not take these kind of risks.
Remember Zeenat Aman in Yaadon ki baraat, aahahaaa! wah! the stunts she carries out. I did not even know what a housewarming party was, untill a few years ago, I must be exceptionally backward.
Then there was Aasha Parekh in Teesri MAnzil. The fool! she is going to catch her sister's killer by pretending to be a naive woman alone in a hotel at some hill station. Her plan is to get this man to fall in love with her and then get him caught. Wow! daring hai boss. But if you think about it, if this man was so sinister that he killed her sister, is she not all kinds of a donkey to be putting herself in the same position. And more importantly why does she have to do this by herself, why can she not get her family involved. Or are they all too smart and she is the only one foolish enough to serve the purpose of an illogical story line, I mean that movie, its dialogues and situations are exceptionally B-grade, it is sad really, because the songs are so magically beautiful.
And the list goes on....
I can remember watching so many movies as a kid and thinking probably when I grow up I would have that kind of freedom to do these kinds of things, but it never happened that way. I guess the movies have always been out of sync with real life, or prehaps they have always potrayed a sliver of the population. Maybe some people out there do stuff like that. The rest just quietly walk the line, and its not that fascinating to tell stories of the people who follow the rules, so the heroines are women who are exceptionally ahead of their times. Like the stuff that Priyanka Chopra does in Anjaana Anjaani - nah! i don't think real people do stuff like that.
There is Rakhi in bemisaal, going out to see kashmir alternatively one day with Vinod Mehra and the next day with Amitabh Bachhan, while the other one sits beside her sick father, Mr. Hangal. umm... what? If your father is sick, will you be traipsing around a hill station, listening to poems and singing songs with two unknown men? I mean, not to talk about the fact that you are so blatantly two timing them, but just, well the whole situation, is that plausible? Does anybody do that?
There is Nargis so coolly travelling half the country with Raj Kapoor in Chori chori. Granted she was a spoilt brat, but, really, any half brained person would not have the guts to do that. It is not safe, and most indian women I know are very very cautious people. We are forever scared of losing face, publicly and privately, we do not take these kind of risks.
Remember Zeenat Aman in Yaadon ki baraat, aahahaaa! wah! the stunts she carries out. I did not even know what a housewarming party was, untill a few years ago, I must be exceptionally backward.
Then there was Aasha Parekh in Teesri MAnzil. The fool! she is going to catch her sister's killer by pretending to be a naive woman alone in a hotel at some hill station. Her plan is to get this man to fall in love with her and then get him caught. Wow! daring hai boss. But if you think about it, if this man was so sinister that he killed her sister, is she not all kinds of a donkey to be putting herself in the same position. And more importantly why does she have to do this by herself, why can she not get her family involved. Or are they all too smart and she is the only one foolish enough to serve the purpose of an illogical story line, I mean that movie, its dialogues and situations are exceptionally B-grade, it is sad really, because the songs are so magically beautiful.
And the list goes on....
I can remember watching so many movies as a kid and thinking probably when I grow up I would have that kind of freedom to do these kinds of things, but it never happened that way. I guess the movies have always been out of sync with real life, or prehaps they have always potrayed a sliver of the population. Maybe some people out there do stuff like that. The rest just quietly walk the line, and its not that fascinating to tell stories of the people who follow the rules, so the heroines are women who are exceptionally ahead of their times. Like the stuff that Priyanka Chopra does in Anjaana Anjaani - nah! i don't think real people do stuff like that.
Monday, February 14, 2011
women with spunk
This from the devdaas post, talking about Paaro got me thinking how many other women I know who have spunk like that? How many women, when they like a guy can go up to him and say, "Hey! Genius! Hum bhi hain raahon me." I know I cannot. Not in a million years. Most women I know cannot have done that. Most women I know would rather wake up every morning and pray "Please Ramji please, ...." But then, some can.
A few. Very few. Very very few.
Like there was this one, she asked him to explain to her, just what he was waiting for? You see, he is the kind of guy who has an answer for every question under the sun, but right now, as she is asking him this question, almost for the first time in his life - he is stumped. He has no idea, what he has been waiting for. He does not even know what he should do next. So she tells him, may be you should talk to my father - "oh ! yeah! right! that! I knew that." Men! I tell you. If she had not told him, it would not have occurred to him, physics or no physics. :)
Then there is this other one.Oh boy she has loads of it. And she is the kind who wouldn't mind letting me tell you her story so I will, this is what she did.
She called him. In the middle of the night, at 2 am or some other god forsaken time like that, she called him and said come and get me. He wasn't too sure, wasn't it too late, "Can we do this in the morning? " अब ले जाते हो तो ले जाओ आकर, और नहीं ले कर के जाते हो तो वो भी कह दो , सह लेंगे हम, सहने वाले क्या क्या सह लेंगे। Poor thing, like that left many options, so he came। He came up those stairs and he wasn't sure if he should ring the bell, it was really late in the night, or very early in the morning, depending on how you looked at it. But he did not have to. She came flying out, and in a country where these things are not talked about much, at an hour when girls don't go out of homes, when she is hindu and he is muslim, right there, in the middle of that night, in the middle of those stairs, she kissed him. She kissed him and he did not know what had hit him. He did not know why she could not have kissed him all those years in school, why had she wasted all that time yapping and running around and doing everything else, instead of this? That's all it would have taken, पर नही, दिमाग तो रात के दो बजे चलना शुरू होता है। Why now? Why does she have to make things so god damned complicated?
Oh I didn't tell you, kahani me twist hai. She got married last month. It was an arranged marriage, but technically this is still her sasuraal. Her in-laws are inside. And here she is, with her classmate, her best friend, the boy she has known all her life, but has only now figured out that he is the one she is in love with, now after one month of being married to someone else. Stuff like that, it can get you killed.
Yeah! I wish I was there, I wasn't, but knowing her, she probably shot one look their side and said "Fuck off!" and walked away. Sorry they are not my words, I don't use them, but this is not my story either, this is her story and she will kill me if I don't tell it in her words.
Now, if you see her, you will see a woman who reads her namaaz five times a day, she keeps his dinner ready before he gets home and she helps their ten year old daughter with her homework. You have to see her in the evening, one minute she is talking to you and then she sees his car take that turn and she is gone. You would never guess that part of their story.
You see, normal day to day life, it hides stuff. People look different buying vegetables on the roadside. You would never know where they come from, what their stories are. Lions pass off for lambs. You would be a fool to be fooled by the exterior. He isn't. He knows that underneath this very obedient wife is still that girl, who could, if the situation warranted, look you in the eye and say "Fuck off!"
Spunk - it is the kind of thing that once you have it in you, it doesn't get out of you.
You know how they say in our culture - that it takes a lot to keep the relationship it takes nothing to break it. I think that is wrong. It takes a lot of guts to break a bad relationship, it takes a heart of steel to walk out too. Most women I know, just keep putting up with nonsense in the name of keeping a relationship. it takes a lot to get up and say stop. I am done. Goodbye. And I admire the women who can do that. And I am so glad I know a few of them. Very proud to be able to call them my friends.
I did not tell the rest of the story here, because someday, I want to tell it right, all of it.
A few. Very few. Very very few.
Like there was this one, she asked him to explain to her, just what he was waiting for? You see, he is the kind of guy who has an answer for every question under the sun, but right now, as she is asking him this question, almost for the first time in his life - he is stumped. He has no idea, what he has been waiting for. He does not even know what he should do next. So she tells him, may be you should talk to my father - "oh ! yeah! right! that! I knew that." Men! I tell you. If she had not told him, it would not have occurred to him, physics or no physics. :)
Then there is this other one.Oh boy she has loads of it. And she is the kind who wouldn't mind letting me tell you her story so I will, this is what she did.
She called him. In the middle of the night, at 2 am or some other god forsaken time like that, she called him and said come and get me. He wasn't too sure, wasn't it too late, "Can we do this in the morning? " अब ले जाते हो तो ले जाओ आकर, और नहीं ले कर के जाते हो तो वो भी कह दो , सह लेंगे हम, सहने वाले क्या क्या सह लेंगे। Poor thing, like that left many options, so he came। He came up those stairs and he wasn't sure if he should ring the bell, it was really late in the night, or very early in the morning, depending on how you looked at it. But he did not have to. She came flying out, and in a country where these things are not talked about much, at an hour when girls don't go out of homes, when she is hindu and he is muslim, right there, in the middle of that night, in the middle of those stairs, she kissed him. She kissed him and he did not know what had hit him. He did not know why she could not have kissed him all those years in school, why had she wasted all that time yapping and running around and doing everything else, instead of this? That's all it would have taken, पर नही, दिमाग तो रात के दो बजे चलना शुरू होता है। Why now? Why does she have to make things so god damned complicated?
Oh I didn't tell you, kahani me twist hai. She got married last month. It was an arranged marriage, but technically this is still her sasuraal. Her in-laws are inside. And here she is, with her classmate, her best friend, the boy she has known all her life, but has only now figured out that he is the one she is in love with, now after one month of being married to someone else. Stuff like that, it can get you killed.
Yeah! I wish I was there, I wasn't, but knowing her, she probably shot one look their side and said "Fuck off!" and walked away. Sorry they are not my words, I don't use them, but this is not my story either, this is her story and she will kill me if I don't tell it in her words.
Now, if you see her, you will see a woman who reads her namaaz five times a day, she keeps his dinner ready before he gets home and she helps their ten year old daughter with her homework. You have to see her in the evening, one minute she is talking to you and then she sees his car take that turn and she is gone. You would never guess that part of their story.
You see, normal day to day life, it hides stuff. People look different buying vegetables on the roadside. You would never know where they come from, what their stories are. Lions pass off for lambs. You would be a fool to be fooled by the exterior. He isn't. He knows that underneath this very obedient wife is still that girl, who could, if the situation warranted, look you in the eye and say "Fuck off!"
Spunk - it is the kind of thing that once you have it in you, it doesn't get out of you.
You know how they say in our culture - that it takes a lot to keep the relationship it takes nothing to break it. I think that is wrong. It takes a lot of guts to break a bad relationship, it takes a heart of steel to walk out too. Most women I know, just keep putting up with nonsense in the name of keeping a relationship. it takes a lot to get up and say stop. I am done. Goodbye. And I admire the women who can do that. And I am so glad I know a few of them. Very proud to be able to call them my friends.
I did not tell the rest of the story here, because someday, I want to tell it right, all of it.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
number plates
I just realized I have not collected number plates in a while. i had a piece of paper i used to write them down on, last year or something. Well, another thing on that to do list.
Friday, February 11, 2011
February Books
It is the tenth of February and I have not completed a single book as of yet. I go through these phases, of reading and then not reading. I do not read anything, absolutely nothing in my not- reading phase. So I am really hoping that this is not the onset of the not-reading phase. That would be terrible especially because I did not even have a good reading phase for the last two years at least. I have just been cruising along, picking and leaving things here and there.
Now that i am writing it, I realize how helpless I make it sound. Its not like I am leaf in the wind or something, I guess I do have some control over what i do or do not do, so maybe I can exercise that control, maybe I can just get over myself and not allow me to plunge into a not-reading phase. hmm.. okay good, lets see how that works out, eighteen more days to go :)
Now that i am writing it, I realize how helpless I make it sound. Its not like I am leaf in the wind or something, I guess I do have some control over what i do or do not do, so maybe I can exercise that control, maybe I can just get over myself and not allow me to plunge into a not-reading phase. hmm.. okay good, lets see how that works out, eighteen more days to go :)
January Books
Well, January started out like a fair month to read but it did not really feel that way, even though on paper it looks like i did get some reading done, i have this uncomfortable feeling about it, mostly because I started most of these books in December, so i just finished them this month, did not actually read them start to finish per say. :(( too much to do, too much TV my husband keeps recommending, oh you are going to love this, oh you just have to watch this... and the thing is , once i start it i do get hooked and there goes the book :) I am only writing the books that I either finished reading this month or books that i started but figured will never read ever :)
so lets see what we got done
Piligrim's Progress - i started it with a lot of hope but, i could not get through it, so i don't think i will pick it up again in the near future, this is as close to reading it as i am ever going to come. unfortunately. unless of course my sister decides to help me out and explain the book to me, then i might be tempted to try it again.
Bertrand Russell's autobiography - it was interesting, I really wanted to read it, but it was overdue at the library and i was not getting it done so i decided to give it back instead of paying fines. i think i am going to pick it up again soon, just was very heavy - so kinda awkward to hold while lying in bed :(
Scripts people live - Claude Steiner :) I am not writing anything about this one because either i should write a whole post about it or just shut up. So shutting up is the route i am going right now :)
Toxic in-laws - uff! i cried and cried and cried. Seriously, i did :) This was what I got from the book - a) it has happened to other people, i am not alone and b) when you are not sure if what is being done to you is right or not, imagine the same thing being done to someone you love. Would you want them to put up with it? if not, why are you putting up with it? Why should you not stand up for your self?
The Great Gatsby - Gatsby was in the same category as Mockingbird with me - the list of books i somehow do not want to read, the other one in there is Dickens' Great expectations. So its a wonder of sorts that i randomly picked up Gatsby, and then actually read it, because i cannot tell you the number of times i have picked up Mockingbird and then not read it. I have even paid library fines on it. But, boy am i glad i read Gatsby. This book has completely changed my idea of American literature. It really was a wonderful book, very simple sweet and yet very profound, in a folk lore-ish, non - grand-eloquent way. So elegant, succinct, to the point, that that in itself makes it grandiose. I did not really cry or anything when Gatsby died, but the story left me with a bit of bitterness and resentment. There were moments in there that I so completely could relate to, I admire Mr. Fitzgerald's ability to put in words feelings that can be so hard to describe, and like i said above, he does it so simply, so unostentatiously, that I am just... wowed! Like this moment, when Daisy is standing beside Gatsby, and he is happy, but he looks at the blinking light of her home across the river, and that makes him slightly sad, because now he can never look at that light the same way as he did before, when he longed to be with her, the light has now lost its brilliance. I am not doing justice to it in all these sentences, but F just says it in a matter of words, something like, "it was the loss of one more enchanted object" see, that is beautiful.
या रब दुआ-ऐ-वस्ल न हरगिज़ क़ुबूल हों, फिर दिल में क्या रहा जो हरसत ही निकल गयी।
And to me that is the mark of good storytelling। It does not matter what that emotion is - frustration, pain, pleasure, hope, anger - anything, if someone can put a bunch of words on a piece of paper and make you feel something, i think they did a darn good job.
You've got to read this book - umm.... was fine no big deal except the first part, which has made me want to read this other book, A tree grows in Brooklyn, will do
How to win friends and influence people - yeah! well... it was a nice book, it talks about some very basic things people could do in their interactions with other people. Some are intuitive, plain good breeding and some need a bit of a paradigm shift. but i must mention that i have my issues, i don't buy the premise. You see i don't think people should go about making plans to influence other people. It is demeaning, insulting, and very very rude in my opinion. Perhaps I am being juvenile and adamant with the same boorish attitude i had twenty years back, but... well that is who i am. The book like so many people before it, says you can gather more flies with honey that with vinegar, well, am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not a fly - catcher, i don't want anything to do with flies. Now I don't think I am doing justice to this book, so perhaps I should sit down and write a full post about it. Will do that too.
so lets see what we got done
Piligrim's Progress - i started it with a lot of hope but, i could not get through it, so i don't think i will pick it up again in the near future, this is as close to reading it as i am ever going to come. unfortunately. unless of course my sister decides to help me out and explain the book to me, then i might be tempted to try it again.
Bertrand Russell's autobiography - it was interesting, I really wanted to read it, but it was overdue at the library and i was not getting it done so i decided to give it back instead of paying fines. i think i am going to pick it up again soon, just was very heavy - so kinda awkward to hold while lying in bed :(
Scripts people live - Claude Steiner :) I am not writing anything about this one because either i should write a whole post about it or just shut up. So shutting up is the route i am going right now :)
Toxic in-laws - uff! i cried and cried and cried. Seriously, i did :) This was what I got from the book - a) it has happened to other people, i am not alone and b) when you are not sure if what is being done to you is right or not, imagine the same thing being done to someone you love. Would you want them to put up with it? if not, why are you putting up with it? Why should you not stand up for your self?
The Great Gatsby - Gatsby was in the same category as Mockingbird with me - the list of books i somehow do not want to read, the other one in there is Dickens' Great expectations. So its a wonder of sorts that i randomly picked up Gatsby, and then actually read it, because i cannot tell you the number of times i have picked up Mockingbird and then not read it. I have even paid library fines on it. But, boy am i glad i read Gatsby. This book has completely changed my idea of American literature. It really was a wonderful book, very simple sweet and yet very profound, in a folk lore-ish, non - grand-eloquent way. So elegant, succinct, to the point, that that in itself makes it grandiose. I did not really cry or anything when Gatsby died, but the story left me with a bit of bitterness and resentment. There were moments in there that I so completely could relate to, I admire Mr. Fitzgerald's ability to put in words feelings that can be so hard to describe, and like i said above, he does it so simply, so unostentatiously, that I am just... wowed! Like this moment, when Daisy is standing beside Gatsby, and he is happy, but he looks at the blinking light of her home across the river, and that makes him slightly sad, because now he can never look at that light the same way as he did before, when he longed to be with her, the light has now lost its brilliance. I am not doing justice to it in all these sentences, but F just says it in a matter of words, something like, "it was the loss of one more enchanted object" see, that is beautiful.
या रब दुआ-ऐ-वस्ल न हरगिज़ क़ुबूल हों, फिर दिल में क्या रहा जो हरसत ही निकल गयी।
And to me that is the mark of good storytelling। It does not matter what that emotion is - frustration, pain, pleasure, hope, anger - anything, if someone can put a bunch of words on a piece of paper and make you feel something, i think they did a darn good job.
You've got to read this book - umm.... was fine no big deal except the first part, which has made me want to read this other book, A tree grows in Brooklyn, will do
How to win friends and influence people - yeah! well... it was a nice book, it talks about some very basic things people could do in their interactions with other people. Some are intuitive, plain good breeding and some need a bit of a paradigm shift. but i must mention that i have my issues, i don't buy the premise. You see i don't think people should go about making plans to influence other people. It is demeaning, insulting, and very very rude in my opinion. Perhaps I am being juvenile and adamant with the same boorish attitude i had twenty years back, but... well that is who i am. The book like so many people before it, says you can gather more flies with honey that with vinegar, well, am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not a fly - catcher, i don't want anything to do with flies. Now I don't think I am doing justice to this book, so perhaps I should sit down and write a full post about it. Will do that too.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A new baby card
I loved this card, the image is not as clear and i was not able to get the inside photograph because i had already written in, but it came out beautiful.
I liked the orange - yellow paper and the small beads detail that i added. i am not so good with color so i was glad to see that the red and green beads at the bottom actually work. Inside it had a red lace border that i punched out using a Fleur-de-isle border hold punch.
I also cut out a matching red ' little miracle'. Overall I think it looked really pretty. Of all the cards i have made so far, i would say this was my favouritest. It was actually hard to mail it :)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
is se pehle ki yaad tu aaye
meri aankhon me phir lahoo aaye,
tujhse rishtaa main tod jaaunga
main tera sheher chhod jaaunga
I like this song because
1) Kishore Kumar has done such an amazing job of singing it, when he goes tujhse rishtaa ... i love that
2) It is all sorts of crazy, and i like all sorts of crazy. I can see myself doing something like that. ...इससे पहले कि तू मुझको ठुकराए, मेरा दिल तोड़े, अपना दिल खुद मैं तोड़ जाऊँगा.... वाह वाह वाह, क्या ज्ञानी हो जी आप तो। अरे, कोई हमारा दिल तोड़े, वो एक बात, और हम जो खुद ही अपने से दुश्मनी निकालें, पक्की वाली, तो फिर तो ... बल्ले बल्ले हो गयी है... अब् कोई रोक सकता है क्या ऐसे किसी पागल को।
tujhse rishtaa main tod jaaunga
main tera sheher chhod jaaunga
I like this song because
1) Kishore Kumar has done such an amazing job of singing it, when he goes tujhse rishtaa ... i love that
2) It is all sorts of crazy, and i like all sorts of crazy. I can see myself doing something like that. ...इससे पहले कि तू मुझको ठुकराए, मेरा दिल तोड़े, अपना दिल खुद मैं तोड़ जाऊँगा.... वाह वाह वाह, क्या ज्ञानी हो जी आप तो। अरे, कोई हमारा दिल तोड़े, वो एक बात, और हम जो खुद ही अपने से दुश्मनी निकालें, पक्की वाली, तो फिर तो ... बल्ले बल्ले हो गयी है... अब् कोई रोक सकता है क्या ऐसे किसी पागल को।
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
an expression of love
In the way that I evaluate the world, I put great stock in the ability to love something or someone to the point of oblivion to everything else. If you have to pencil it in your calendar and force yourself to make time for it, it is a chore, it is not love. When you are in love, you never have to find time, it makes its own time. It nudges everything else around and makes its own space. When you are in love, you don’t think I have no time to call her, no, you think how am I going to finish all this other stuff up so I can call her. When you are in love and she calls you, you don’t bark a ‘what?’ into the phone. No, you just cannot believe that she has finally called you, you try to hide how happy you are, and yet the smile that is exuding from every pore of your being somehow makes its way across the oceans and seven thousand miles away from you, she is happy too. That is love. I know it because I have been there, I have had it, and nothing you say now is going to convince me otherwise.
He now tells me that ‘all the work I do is for this family, for all of us, it is an expression of my love’ well, that is such baloney and crap. Because all the work you do is an expression of your contentiousness, your taking the responsibility of providing for this family, it is not an expression of your love for me. And you are right, you are doing an amazing job of providing for us, I have absolutely no complaints in that regard. But when you have to take your blackberry out to figure out when you can or cannot have lunch with your wife, and you end up telling her you don’t see how you can make it anytime before the 15th of February because you are just so swamped with work meetings, it is not an expression of love.
And the least you can do is understand why she is not so appreciative of you trying to give her some time. You should wipe that bewildered look off your face when she gets up and leaves, ‘Forget it, I don’t want to have lunch with you. Ever.’ Seriously, you are not the injured party here, so please stop acting like one.
Monday, January 10, 2011
agar tum na hote
na jaane kyon dil se ye awaaz aayi
milan se hai bardh ke tumhari judaaii
I love these lines, I love them because they are hopelessly romantic, they are asinine, asinine is my new favourite word, you figured eh! yeah! i like using that. back to the song, well... its a nice song, apart from the absurdity mentioned above, but then that is what love is, it confuses the hell out of you, and like i said elsewhere, the more logical analytical you get on its ass, the more the solution eludes you. and that is when you come up with this kind of nonsense. milan se hai bardh kar tumhari judaaii, what does that even mean, how could that be possible, only in upside down universes like ours do fools like me fall for this kind of trickery, because in all those other sensible universes, milan just has to be better than judaii, par shayad angoor khatten hain.
milan se hai bardh ke tumhari judaaii
I love these lines, I love them because they are hopelessly romantic, they are asinine, asinine is my new favourite word, you figured eh! yeah! i like using that. back to the song, well... its a nice song, apart from the absurdity mentioned above, but then that is what love is, it confuses the hell out of you, and like i said elsewhere, the more logical analytical you get on its ass, the more the solution eludes you. and that is when you come up with this kind of nonsense. milan se hai bardh kar tumhari judaaii, what does that even mean, how could that be possible, only in upside down universes like ours do fools like me fall for this kind of trickery, because in all those other sensible universes, milan just has to be better than judaii, par shayad angoor khatten hain.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
how do you copy from word to blogger
does anybody know what the best way to copy your word document into blogger is? every time i do that, i find that the formatting gets messed up and i have no way of fixing it, short of re-writing the whole thing.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
do i sabotage myself?
6 January 2011
There is snow falling out of the window I am sitting in this kids play area slightly depressed. I am not entirely sure why I am depressed, or perhaps I am but want to ignore the reason, thinking that if I look at the reason it might be hard to ignore this feeling down business, which is weird because haven’t we been told enough number of times that staring a problem in the face makes it go away. Or is it possible that we do not stare in the face for precisely that reason we do not wish for it to go away the problem is familiar, we know how to act around it and … well that sounds asinine, why would anyone willingly choose to stay with an unpleasant situation. Who says it is willingly done, subconsciously; we make bad judgment calls and then cry about them. Like last night I thought about putting away my daughter's birthday gift and then I started doing something else and left it there, what did I expect? of course she found it and then I was sad that my surprise had been ruined. Well I sabotaged myself.
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