ek vivah aisa bhi

I just watched this movie and well... I cried, like a baby in the end.

I mean it is a cliched and trite movie like nobody's business and yet l thought it was ronmantic like awww... yes I know how to spell romantic - itne bure din nahi aayen hain.

Parts of it were very irritating, but on the whole you fall in love with the characters, or at least I did. But you have to remember ki main to bhai hum aapke hain kaun, aur hum saath saath hain dekh kar bhi royi thi.

In case you do go and watch the movie and then wonder where did I fall apart? Well, the part that I actually cried about was the time when the barat finally comes in the end and and all those loons are singing 'lo ji hum aa gaye hain' It is the second time the song plays in the movie and the first time it was barely tolerable as in the lyrics are not what you might call brilliant, but the second time somehow something changed and it actually resonated with me, the whole scenario did.

I loved that line ' ye vo var hai jiske liye taras gayi thi varmala' That is beautiful, isn't it.

Deewana banana hai to

It is a very beautiful ghazal by Behzad Lakhnawi, I am trying to write the lyrics because a) they are eloquent and b) I can't see them on the web, at least not found on a rudimentary search. :) There, my contribution to the world, today's good act. ha ha, okay sorry am not doing it for altruistic motives this is purely for my own enjoyment.

Deewana banana hai to deewana bana de
Varna kahin taqdeer tamasha na bana de

Ai dekhne waalon mujhe has has ke na dekho
Tumko bhi kahin mohabbat mujh sa na bana de (Oh! that is ..... well, it has happened to me and i am sure to a lot of other ppl, when you make fun of someone, life shows you their side eventually doesn't it? ;) )

Main dhoond raha hoon jisko meri vo shamma kahan hai
Jo bajzm ki har cheez ko parwaana bana de ( Ahem ! hmm... biased opinion but, whatever)

Akhir koi soorat to ho khana-e-dil ki
Kaba nahi banta to butkhana bana de (Waah waah! my feelings exactly)

Behzad har ek gaam pe ek sajda-e-masti
Har zarre ko sang-e-dar-e-jana na bana de ( :D um hmm, sure, why not? )

Here a link to Begum Akhtar's rendition

when you are sick

When you are sick what you want more than anything else is health.When you get better, you forget how bad it was.

Not forget entirely but you put it out of your mind so to speak.

For the first two days you are very grateful for the return of your abilities, to be able to taste food, drink cold water, sit up without hurting, sleep without waking up fifty times and so on.... but slowly it wears off, and you start taking it all for granted again. Come to think of it that is how it should be too, if you keep thinking about your sickness what good is it to be well again?

I am sick right now. Have been for many days, and I am hating it.

My brain is addled up mush, I cannot think straight, I don't sleep - I drift in and out of consciousness, I have crazy dreams where people give me lectures on how to fertilize a rose bush and I wake up begging them to stop filling my head with data I really do not need, really I just buy the ready made rose fertilizer and hope the manufacturer knows what ratio the Nitrogen and Phosphorous need to be in, I do not need to worry about it, but in my dreams I do.

I keep telling myself that if I can get two good paragraphs of description out of this then that will be something. I can use that in a story where I can make someone fall sick.

What? Waste not want not...

And that is the worst of it, I cannot. I have not been able to put in words how horrible I am feeling right now, how desperate to feel like myself again, how frustrated at not being able to do anything about it.

I am actually missing not being able to do stuff like cooking and cleaning.  That tells you how bad it is.

These days I actually eat things based on the ease of throwing them up, like its easier to throw up roti than chawal, they stick in places, shoot am I grossing you out! sorry I am just all messed up. Its all twisted in my head.

Bade armaano se rakha hai balam

pyar ki duniya me ye pehla kadam

I capital L love this song, unfortunately the video is not too good, but I could not find a better one, besides I just listen to it. :) I think I posted another song from this movie long back, kahan ho tum zara aawaz do hum yaad katen hain. Like this one way better



Movie: Malhaar (1951)
Singers: Lata Mangeshkar and Mukesh

jab se tumhe dekha hai

aakhon me tumhi tum ho

:) Infectious happy song. I cannot stop smiling when I listen to it, or not sing along. they both look so young and full of life and of course this famous Brindavan Garden brings back a lot of memories. saari hindi filmon me mysore jaa kar ke ek gaana to yaahan shoot hota hi hoga nahi? I remember walking through this park as a little girl, and pretending to be a hindi film heroine, hopping along, and my dad yelling in the background you will fall in to the water, come back. ugh!

shoot did I just admit that? whatever...

dil ke naye naghmon ki taano mein tumhi tum ho. hum bhi yehi kehten hain saanson me tumhi tum ho.



Movie: Gharana (1961)
Singers: Mohd. Rafi Asha Bhosle

mere tumhare beech mein

ab to na parbat na saagar
nis din rahe khayalon mein tum
ab ho jaayo ujagar
ab aan milo sajna

Jhuk gaya aasman has to be my most favourite movie. Ever. I have seen it I do not know how many times and I can still watch it over and over again. I never get bored of it.

This particular song I think I like the audio better than the video, no reason, just generally, Lata Mangeshkar's voice is so beautiful, I would rather close my eyes and listen to it.



and then ofcourse, kaun hai jo sapno mein aaya.... is beautiful. My favourite part of that song is
jism ko maut aati hai, lekin rooh ko maut aati nahi hai. Ishq roshan hai roshan rahega, roshni iski jaati nahi hai.

and that one about bekhudi ka ye aalam na poocho, manzilon se bradha ja raha hoon. :) hmm... kaafi bevakoofi ki baat hai, but I can so relate to it.

yaad na jaaye beete dino ki

It is one of those songs you cannot listen to and not feel bad. *(too many negatives in that sentence ? argh!)

Mohd. Rafi's voice is unsurpassed. My favorite part is the way he sings:
तस्वीर उनकी छुपाके, रख दूँ जहां जी चाहे
मन में बसी ये मूरत
लेकिन मिटी न मिटाए
कहने को है वो पराए




Movie: Dil Ek mandir (1963)
Music: Shankar jai kishan
Singer: Mohd. Rafi
Lyrics: Shailendra

piya aiso jiya mein samayi gayo re

ki main tan man ki sudh budh gavan baithi

It is one of those rare songs that the video is as amazing as the audio. I cannot pick which I like better, Geeta Dutt's haunting voice or Meena Kumari's ethereal beauty. The cinematography is way over the top too. :) Love it.



Movie: Sahib Bibi aur Gulam (1962)
Singer: Geeta Dutt
Music: Hemant Kumar
Lyricist : Shakeel Badayuni

kisko naman karoon main bharat

- Ramdhaari Singh Ji Dinkar
This is one of my favourite poems of Dinkarji.

तुझको या तेरे नदीश, गिरि, वन को नमन करूँ, मैं ?
मेरे प्यारे देश ! देह या मन को नमन करूँ मैं ?
किसको नमन करूँ मैं भारत ! किसको नमन करूँ मैं ?

भू के मानचित्र पर अंकित त्रिभुज, यही क्या तू है ?
नर के नभश्चरण की दृढ़ कल्पना नहीं क्या तू है ?
भेदों का ज्ञाता, निगूढ़ताओं का चिर ज्ञानी है,
मेरे प्यारे देश !
नहीं तू पत्थर है, पानी है।
जड़ताओं में छिपे किसी चेतन को नमन करूँ मैं ?

भारत नहीं स्थान का वाचक, गुण विशेष नर का है,
एक देश का नहीं, शील यह भूमंडल भर का है ।
जहाँ कहीं एकता अखंडित, जहाँ प्रेम का स्वर है,
देश-देश में वहाँ खड़ा भारत जीवित भास्कर है ।
निखिल विश्व को जन्मभूमि-वंदन को नमन करूँ मैं ?

खंडित है यह मही शैल से, सरिता से सागर से,
पर, जब भी दो हाथ निकल मिलते आ द्वीपांतर से,
तब खाई को पाट शून्य में महामोद मचता है,
दो द्वीपों के बीच सेतु यह भारत ही रचता है।
मंगलमय यह महासेतु-बंधन को नमन करूँ मैं ?

दो हृदय के तार जहाँ भी जो जन जोड़ रहे हैं,
मित्र-भाव की ओर विश्व की गति को मोड़ रहे हैं,
घोल रहे हैं जो जीवन-सरिता में प्रेम-रसायन,
खोर रहे हैं देश-देश के बीच मुँदे वातायन।
आत्मबंधु कहकर ऐसे जन-जन को नमन करूँ मैं ?

उठे जहाँ भी घोष शांति का, भारत, स्वर तेरा है,
धर्म-दीप हो जिसके भी कर में वह नर तेरा है,
तेरा है वह वीर, सत्य पर जो अड़ने आता है,
किसी न्याय के लिए प्राण अर्पित करने जाता है।
मानवता के इस ललाट-वंदन को नमन करूँ मैं ?

pal - 2

This is the second one in the trilogy of Pal। I posted the first one some time back, I have not yet written the third one. The first is a happier poem, I hope so is the third one :) whenever I write it.

कुछ बीत गए, कुछ हैं बाकी
कुछ हँसते थे, कुछ गम के साथी
कितने लम्हे
सब मेरे साथी

इक पल में जीना मुश्किल था
इक पल में धरती अम्बर थी
इक पल मेरे साथ थे तुम
इक पल कैसी वीरानी थी

इक पल नदिया सागर थी
यूँ झूमती गाती आती थी
उसके एक छोर से दूसरे तक, अंतहीन कहानी थी
फिर इक दिन, ख़ुद सागर,
केवल घडों पानी।

इस पल जीवन समझ में आया
उस पल कैसी नादानी थी
भरी दोपहरी सोयी मैं
इक रात जाग कर काटी थी।

उस पल कितने फूल खिले
खुशबू को कितने रंग मिले
उसे जली घास में ढूँढ रही वो
कोई बसंत कि दीवानी थी

इक पल सपना देखा था
इक पल सब जग अपना था
फिर पल में सपना टूट गया
घर भी मुझसे छूट गया और
तू भी मुझसे रूठ गया
तो भी नहीं हैरानी थी।

इस पल जीवन समझ में आया
उस पल कैसी नादानी थी।

mohd rafi for kishore kumar

I like this video link, Mohd. Rafi singing for Kishore Kumar. Some people might hate it, purists who like either one of them too much that is. No, I am not one of them. I think it is possible to admire both. oh and there is still room for Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan :P

na jee bhar ke dekha

na kuch baat kii
badi aarzoo thi mulaqat kii

This from experience, always happens, the stuff you anticipate, disappoints you like no body's business. Moral of the story - do not get your hopes up, no matter what.

:)

Here are two versions, I like the words in the first one better

khuda ke liye kuch to irshad ho
duhaai ho shikwa ho fariyaad ho
koi tarjumani ho jazbaat ki
badi aarzoo thi mulaqat ki

and i am up again.

yep! but I did sleep. I am not feeling too well, and I dislike that. I am not the kind of person who makes a good invalid, it just gets to me.... I pity the people who have to take care of me.

The worst part of this recent bout is the taste in my mouth and what that does to the taste of coffee.

I actually had to throw away some very good coffee coz it tasted horrible. ugh!

Which brings me to the problem that I can no longer say I like coffee, I like the taste of coffee when I am feeling well, everything must be qualified.

 But that perhaps goes without saying, because there are no absolutes in life.

It is like saying I love you, I love you no matter what.

Well, not true. You will not love him so much if he turns out to be a chauvinistic, abusive, wife-beating kind of a man.

You might still stay with him - for your own reasons - but I don't think you would love him the way you did when you claimed you would love him no matter what.

There are no unconditional promises in life, or very few can make and keep them at the least.

There, I feel much better having to throw away my cup.

kaun kehta hai tujhe maine bhula rakhha hai?

- by Jan Nisaar Akhtar

I am looking for a link to upload Talat Mahmood's beautifully sung version too, haven't figured out how to put my own mp3's and haven't found one on the web yet. Will do that asap. I think it's a beautiful poem.

कौन कहता है तुझे मैंने भुला रखा है

तेरी यादों को कलेजे से लगा रखा है

लब पे आहें भी नहीं आँख में आंसू भी नहीं

दिल ने हर राज़ मुहब्बत का छुपा रखा है

तूने जो दिल के अँधेरे में जलाया थे कभी

वो दिया आज भी सीने में जला रखा है

देख जा आके महकते हुए ज़ख्मों कि बाह्रर

मैंने अब तक तेरे गुलशन को सजा रखा है

It's a very nice poem, I just have some issues with लब पे आहें भी नहीं आँख में आंसू भी नहीं दिल ने हर राज़ मुहब्बत का छुपा रखा है, no, I think it is a beautiful line, and to large degree it is true to a lot of people. It sounds hard but it is not. Most people I know do it without even thinking about it. Things they want from life, things they had hoped to have, they put it so deep inside themselves no one would be able to guess what their deepest desires are. We keep going through the rigmarole of everyday existence in some misplaced sense of upholding the sanctity of what must be done. So my question then is, to what purpose? छिपा ही लिया तो कौन सा तीर मार लिया, बता भी देते तो क्या आफत आ जाती साहब?

Life is only as simple or as complicated as you choose to make it. It is the simplest thing in life, to admit what you want and it is equally simple to fall into the rut of denial, of insisting nah, I don't care. Unfortunately, over time, we get emotionally invested in our positions, we consider it a loss of face to recant. The ego is a bad commander, it rakes up unnecessary casualties. If there is one thing I have learned in all my years, it is that putting things out in the open and talking about them is far saner than pushing them under the carpet. Have I digressed too far from the topic? I don't know. What I am trying to say is that people react surprising well, when you tell them how actually feel about a particular issue, in most cases the fears you have built up are in your head alone. Eventually people are people, and we are more alike than we are different, and we are more nicer than we are not, and we actually do understand each other more than we do not. It is my ego that wants me to think I am unique and different and you will just not understand what I am trying to tell you, because it is devastating to think that I am not, that you just might actually get it. But, where is the grandeur in that?

Actually i do think i am on track, because this love business, these movies, and poems, and books, have just blown it out of proportion, made it into the monster that it is not. It is a very simple thing falling in love, it should be equally simple admitting it. Liking you doesn't make me any less of a person, so what's the big deal here?

then again maybe that is not what the poem is saying. I am really confused here, the thing is I have been working on something that is very closely related to this poem and I have been going over its meaning over and over to the point where it has become meaningless, its like the same word repeatedly on a loop, mother, mother, mother, mother, till you wonder what mother means.

right! yeah, I think I should go to sleep.

Ender's game

I read Ender's game when a student of mine asked me how I could be a science teacher and not read science fiction? I really did not know what to say. You see, I could not figure out if it was a very smart question or a very stupid question to ask. What is the correlation? Is there one? Do all science teachers read science fiction? Should we not instead look down upon it, after all it's not real science now is it? Don't journalists look down upon paparazzi? They don't get the real news :)

okay, bad analogy. Kill me.

I have read a lot of science fiction since, thanks to some very dedicated students and a die hard science fiction junkie of a friend.

I think Ender's Game is high on the list. Though the second time round it was not that much fun, once you know the secret it is hard to be surprised, but then all thrillers suffer from that flaw. Personally i think it is a great book to read once at least, though in all honesty I must admit that none of my book club women liked it, which is very surprising to me and very disheartening because that book on their list was the reason I joined their club in the first place that and Sense and Sensibility. So I was disappointed in them, they keep reading all those sad, tear jerking, emotionally manipulative stories from the middle east, and they wrinkle up their noses at this. But consider the demographics, they are all white middle aged women in their early 30's to late 60's, if you donot belong to that group, you just might like the book. I do. And I am the only brown person in there. :) No, don't nobody go around construing that as racism, I am just stating a fact here, and yes, there probably is no correlation either, i am just .... making a rationalization, mostly because i really like my book club and i really wanted them to like Ender's Game, and it is very isolating to be the only person in the room who says I loved the book and every one else looks at you like you are from another planet, because they all hated it.

tumne mujhe dekha ho kar meherbaan

ruk gayi ye zameen, tham gaya aasmaan.

It's a beautiful song, I love his voice, I am not too crazy about the presentation in the movie, but I guess the movie is for storytelling. To me personally, this is a very happy song, vibrant, apart from the fact that I worry ki zameen kitni baar rukegi yaar, aur kis kis ke liye rukegi, aur baaz ek logon ke liye to baar baar rukti hogi na ;) some people just have all the luck in life.Don't you hate those people. :D

Here are both the videos, you decide for yourself which one you like better.





Movie: Teesri Manzil (1966)
Singer: Mohd. Rafi

jeet hi lenge baazi hum tum

On the whole I think this is a very hopeful song. These are my most favourite lines
१) प्यार का बंधन जनम का बंधन, जनम का बंधन टूटे न
२) मिलने कि खुशी न मिलने का गम ,ख़त्म ये झगडे हो जाये
एंड
३) मैं भी न छोडूँ पलभर दामन, तू भी पलभर रूठे न....

okay wait, I think I like all of it :)




Movie: Shola aur Shabnam (1961)
Singers: Mohd. Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar
Music Director : Khaiyyaam

I made a choice

Today was the first day in my life that I had coffee without sugar.

Generally, I would rather not drink coffee, and I drink a lot of coffee so...

I guess at some point you have to choose between health and taste, and I for one always make the wrong choice, only today I said, wait let me try this, and you know what, it was not that bad.

Okay I must be honest I ate some amazing kesari bhat along with it to compensate but really, it was a big step for me.

As my mother loves saying, jo apni zuban ke dono functions control kar le vahi sant hai. Swad aur shabd. Soch ke bolo, soch ke khao.

Right!

To us definition se ji main to bilkul sant nahi, na soch ke bola na soch ke khaya. par vo kya kehten hain bachchanji... koshish karne valon ki kabhi haar nahi hoti. to koshish kar leten hain - kadvi coffee peene ki.

Need ka nirman phir phir - Bachchan ji

I like this poem because it is full of hope, it talks about one of the hardest things to do in life, picking up the pieces and starting all over again. When I was younger it was an idealistic poem, beautiful and yet doable. Then it happened to me, to my friends, to people I know and love and I began to realize how hard it was to decide if I wanted to build again or just let it go... In theory it should have been easy, what is the problem? But, it was a terrible choice to make. I look back and I know how tempting it was to just let it go, there is a grandeur in playing the martyr.

In a lot of ways some of us did, let go. There are dreams that we do not dream anymore because we see no way of their coming true now. It takes a lot to keep them alive inside us, to hope, to believe in the possibility of some day... in the distant future....

That is why I especially appreciate this poem now, because now I see both sides of the picture, I see why someone would give up and I see the courage it takes to build again, to love again, to give again. To put yourself out there, in the thick of things, at the mercy of the winds, only this time I know that it is transient, that it can all be taken away from me, but I appreciate it all the more for its transience. I now know on a whole new level that it is far better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. neh ka aahvaan phir phir phir.

नीड़ का निर्माण फिर-फिर,
नेह का आह्वान फिर-फिर!

वह उठी आँधी कि नभ में, छा गया सहसा अँधेरा,
धूलि धूसर बादलों नें भूमि को भाँति घेरा,
रात-सा दिन हो गया, फिर रात आई और काली,
लग रहा था अब न होगा इस निशा का फिर सवेरा,
रात के उत्‍पात-भय से भीत जन-जन, भीत कण-कण
किंतु प्राची से उषा की मोहनी मुसकान फिर-फिर,

नेह का आह्वान फिर-फिर,

वह चले झोंके कि काँपे भीम कायावान भूधर,
जड़ समेत उखड़-पुखड़कर गिर पड़े, टूटे विटप वर,
हाय, तिनकों से विनिर्मित घोंसलों पर क्‍या न बीती,
डगमगाए जबकि कंकड़, ईंट, पत्‍थर के महल-घर;
बोल आशा के विहंगम, किस जगह पर तू छिपा था,
जो गगन चढ़ उठाता गर्व से निज तान फिर-फिर!

नीड़ का निर्माण फिर-फिर,
नेह का आह्वान फिर-फिर!


क्रुद्ध नभ के वज्र दंतों में उषा है मुसकराती,
घोर गर्जनमय गगन के कंठ में खग पंक्ति गाती;
एक चिड़‍िया चोंच में तिनका लिए जो गा रही है,
वह सहज में ही पवन उंचास को नीचा दिखाती!
नाश के दुख से कभी दबता नहीं निर्माण का सुख
प्रलय की निस्‍तब्‍धता से सृष्टि का नव गान फिर-फिर!

नीड़ का निर्माण फिर-फिर,
नेह का आह्वान फिर-फिर!

ek tera saath humko do jahan se pyara hai

I love this song, its just... beautiful, a bit too idealistic, but, yeah, that is not a flaw in my book so...

I love that part
हम अकेले हैं, शहनाईयां चुप हैं, तो कंगना बोलता है
तू जो चलती है, छोटे से आँगन में, चमन सा डोलता हैं
आज घर हम ने, मिलन के रंग से संवारा है

here a you tube link, I could not find the video if you have one send me the link.

Chitralekha

This just has to be one of my most favourite books ever. Chitralekha by Bhagvatisharan Verma. It has been a while since I read it, and I am horrible with names, so I do not remember any, but the premise and the treatment of the subject matter was so beautiful, it has stayed with me forever. in my own words this is what the story is, and even at the risk of repeating myself, because I say this all the time, its not the story, it the telling that makes a great book. Still...

Two students of a sage ask him which is the more noble path - that of a householder or that of an ascetic? The sage takes them and leaves one in the home of a merchant and another with an ascetic, asking them to observe the life and motivations of both and come to their own conclusions. I don't remember the details much, but the merchant who spends a lot of time with the courtesan 'Chitralekha' comes across as a worldly man with worldly vices, whereas the ascetic spends most of his time in prayers.

Their lives intersect over the courtesan who is looked down upon by the asectic, she challenges his understanding of God, that if he shuns the world is he not rejecting the lord's creation, and is that not an insult to the maker himself? The merchant does not interfere in the continuing battle of wits between the two. Again I am dicey on the details but over the course of the next year, Chitralekha begins to be ashamed of her life lived in the pursuit of sensual pleasures, and goes to the ascetic to take her in and help her get out of this life of sin. The ascetic does, but later falls for her and then blames her for his own degradation. I don't remember what the two do after, I think the ascetic runs away, or does he kill himself? or does she? i can't remember, essentially it is the mutual downfall of the two of them, each dragging the other.

Chitalekha who was never ashamed of her own choices in life begins to doubt herself because of some clever arguments by a man of God, and is then crest fallen to find him as frail, weak, and human as any other man she has ever known. And the ascetic on the other hand realizing that it was one thing to be give lectures on celebacy when he had never been near a woman and quite another to look temptation in the eye and say thanks, but no thanks. The irony of it, that they both fall for actions they always knew were wrong. To me the story is a testament to the fact that arguments do not always come from a place of understanding. We can yell and shout and defend our own point of view to death, without ever internalizing the concepts, or being on a solid footing ourselves. That it is very easy to be duped by glibness of word, but it is not always supported by action. The whole idea of not calling any man great till he is dead, because you don't know what turn he is going to slip at.

And in the midst of all these righteous, loud mouthed defenders of their own beliefs, is the merchant. He lives a life of comfort, he does what he wants and he does not defend himself. People criticize him for drinking, for spending nights at Chitralekha's home, for not being a pious religious man and he does not seem to care. He loves her. He continues to love her through everything that happens to her. He loves her when people call her names, he loves her when she mocks the ascetic, he loves her when she loathes herself, he loves her when she leaves him and her riches to be with the ascetic and he loves her when the ascetic casts her away. He loves her in spite of what anyone else thinks, including herself.

In the end, it is his understanding of life and love,duty and passion, and right and wrong that comes across as the sanest and the most natural one. It is the slow and gradual growth of his character that is the most stunning part of the book.