trying too hard or too little

life is amazing, things go wrong in a whole gamut of ways.

you can lose something by trying too hard, you want it so bad, you scare people away. they think you are some psycho. they don't get what you are trying to do. and you can't blame them, they are being reasonable.

and then you can lose things because you did not try hard enough. you want something but you will not show it. your boss did not even realize you wanted that promotion so she gave it to someone else. you can't blame her. you pretended to be so disinterested, you acted like you could not care less. what are people going to do? read your mind?

:D

I have made both of these mistakes. this is how it happens, first you make one kind - you try less, you hope things will work out, the universe knows what you want - you lose, and then you go ballistic and go ahead and make the other one :)

so what were you supposed to do? i guess you were supposed to use the right force, just the right amount of effort, neither more nor less.

which begs the question - how do you know what this right effort is? well, assuming you encounter brand new situations, you don't. you cannot know. you have never done this before, why should you know?

i know, i know its depressing to not know, but look around, more or less, we all did okay. we got it right in most cases, we figured out what this right effort was.

the few times we did not. well, those are the times we learn from.

personally, in my life, the times i got it wrong, were the times i was very emotionally attached to either the out come or the process. when i had one of those over confident or under confident moments, when i was tone deaf to good advice given by friends, i was so caught up in the situation, i had no perspective. and maybe that is what that whole hindu discourse on detachment is all about. to be detached enough to be able to decide what and how much to do.

now these are things in life no one can teach you, you can read the bhagwat gita at 16, you can go through the entire works of swami vivekananda by the time you are 20 and i am telling you from first hand experience, it will not do you an iota of good. ok, correction, did not do me an iota of good. only made me look like an even bigger fool ;)

which in a way i still am. i am still making these mistakes, i am 30 now, i was really hoping to become wise and sage somehow with age and the thing is i did not.

so what do i do? well, to quote the salsa teacher i met yesterday (thanks T) - you do your best. sometimes you try too hard, sometimes too less, but then every once in a while you hit the ball smack dab in the middle and score the home run.

but, to do that, you have to get out there first and bat. life, you see, is not a spectator sport.